Compromising Positions: A Very Sticky Situation
by Kate McCaye
Summary: The end of the ‘Compromising Positions’ series is, of course, the most embarrassing of all, for all of SG1. SJ. Now Complete.
1. Stuck on you and you and you

Compromising Positions: A Very Sticky Situation

Author: Kate McCaye

Rating: T

Pairing: S/J UST

Summary: The end of the 'Compromising Positions' series is, of course, the most embarrassing of all.

A/N: This was actually the first idea I came up with for this whole series, but I know how I want this one to end, so I had to save it till last... I've had this one chapter written for ages, but I figured by posting it now I will be trying very hard to get it finished within the next couple of weeks, at which point you probably won't hear from me for many months. So no pressure for this one to be good or anything, right?

Ch 1: Stuck on you... and you and you

Jack O'Neill figured all in all, he really shouldn't be complaining. Sure, the 'mission' was really just a game of fetch taken to the far reaches of the universe, with SG1 essentially functioning as General Hammond's Labrador retrievers as they searched for a crashed UAV.

But nobody was shooting at him, so that was good. And the planet apparently had been unoccupied for thousands of years, so the odds of being shot at on this mission were actually pretty slim. Still possible, of course, given their track record with being ambushed on 'abandoned' planets. And there was always the risk of 'friendly fire,' if you factored in the look his 2IC had shot him while he tried to pass the time singing 'This is the song that doesn't end' as she took samples of all things flora. Fauna? No, flora.

The planet was... damp. Marshy. The ground felt spongy. But it was still hurting his knee, possibly because they had been walking for... he glanced at his watch. Four hours now. At least they were getting close. He was getting sweaty and really wanted a shower.

Still not complaining though. That would be unprofessional.

"So, Carter, what's the theory?" he asked.

"Theory about what, sir?" she asked, walking beside him.

"You've always got a theory."

"Did you have a particular subject in mind, sir, or will any theory suffice?"

Apparently Carter was getting a bit irked as well.

"The UAVs. Siler's _always _'improving' them and they still _always _crash."

"They don't _always _crash, sir. At least not as much as they used to, lately."

"Well... why can't you design a new one or something? One that runs on Gatorade maybe."

She laughed and said, "Interesting idea, sir, I'll take it up with the General when we get back. In the meantime, let's just concentrate on finding the one we're missing now."

"What happened to it, exactly?"

"It just ran out of gas."

"Oh for cryin out loud, aren't those things programmed to turn back towards the gate when they get down to half a tank?"

"Yes, sir, they are but sometimes things on other planets interfere with the communications systems... I'll have to check the flight log when I get it up and running again."

He winced as his knee twinged particularly sharply.

Carter glanced at him out of the corner of her eye and said, "We're almost there, sir."

vvvvvvvvvvvvv

"These ruins actually aren't very interesting," Daniel commented.

"That is interesting in and of itself, is it not?" Teal'c asked.

Daniel smiled. "I guess in a way it kind of is... we know whoever lived here thousands of years ago was really, really boring. I mean, this entire panel is a description of 'typical morning cleansing rituals.' And brushing your teeth and showering seem to be pretty universal."

"Indeed. Perhaps we should move on to the next building."

"Yeah, good idea. I wonder if Jack and Sam have found the UAV yet."

Teal'c clicked his radio on and said, "O'Neill."

"Go ahead, Teal'c," his radio crackled.

"Have you located the UAV?"

"Yeah, Eagle-eyes Carter just spotted it. It's up a tree."

"Do you require assistance retrieving it?"

"Bored, huh? Nah, that's okay, Carter's about to impress me with her climbing abilities. Daniel staying out of trouble?"

"Of course, Jack," Daniel answered impatiently.

"Well, you never know, Danny, you seem to find trouble in the most innocuous places..."

"Jack! Now you've jinxed me!"

"Have fun! O'Neill out."

Teal'c and Daniel just looked at each other and started gathering their things. It seemed strange to complain about a mission where nobody was in danger, but they were all bored.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Jack took the P90 his 2IC was handing him as she started taking off gear. "Carter, are you sure about this, it's pretty high up there..."

"I climbed trees like this all the time when I was a kid, Colonel," Carter assured him with a shrug. "And I was a lot smaller then; it'll be easier now that my legs are longer."

"Er... right." He reminded himself that she had in all probability not meant that as an invitation to study her legs and turned his attention back to her face.

"Plus you'll be down here, just in case. _Much _safer than climbing out my window and down the tree that was beside it in the middle of the night," she said with a bright smile, knowing the story would intrigue him.

"Yeah? You really did that with General Jake in the house?"

"Oh yeah. For years." She shrugged out of her field jacket, as it was hot and she wanted to be able to move as freely as possible, and moved over to the tree trunk, peering up at the UAV, which was lodged in the branches some thirty feet in the air.

She put her hand on the trunk and pulled it back with a frown.

"What's wrong?" Jack asked quickly.

"The tree's covered in some kind of sap or something, it's just kind of unpleasant."

"Oh. Want a boost up to that first branch?"

"Sure."

Jack set down all the stuff he was holding and shrugged out of his own jacket as well, just because it was so warm and humid on the planet. He joined her next to the tree and cupped his hands together, leaning over for her to put her foot in. "Don't get my shirt sticky with that sap junk," he instructed.

"Yes, sir." She pushed off of his shoulder with her still-clean hand as he helped boost her up to the lowest branch. She pulled herself up onto it and stopped, sitting on it. "Okay, here I go."

"Be careful," he called, craning his neck up to watch her progress up the tree.

"Yuck," Carter muttered as she climbed. The tree was oozing sap in several places. It was gross. On the other hand, they should take a sample of it back with them, just in case it turned out to cure male pattern baldness or something.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Daniel let out a rather undignified yelp as he tripped over a log and fell, landing hard on his bum.

"Are you injured, Daniel Jackson?"

"No, I'm fine, thanks," Daniel muttered. At least Jack hadn't been around to see that. He put his hands down to push off the ground and wrinkled his nose. "Ew, I just put my hand in something sticky."

"What is it?"

"I don't know - it's on this log, some kind of fungal growth or something? Sap maybe?"

Teal'c offered Daniel a hand getting to his feet. Daniel grasped Teal'c's hand firmly and was yanked to his feet without having to put much effort into the task himself.

"Thanks, Teal'c."

"Anytime, Daniel Jackson... you may let go of my hand now."

Daniel stared down at their hands and tried to separate his fingers and palm from his friend's. "Actually... I can't," he said carefully.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

"Carter, watch out, you're shaking the branch the UAV is on, I don't want it to fall on your head!" Jack called up the tree.

"Okay, sir, I'm almost... crap!"

The UAV started slipping from where it was lodged, smaller branches snapping loudly as it began to fall.

"Carter, get down here, now!" Jack ordered, but she was already descending the tree as quickly as possible.

"Oh gross, this is so disgusting! Next time I volunteer to climb a tree, just shoot me, please!" she called as she scurried down the tree. She felt like she'd taken a bath in syrup.

"I think you've been around me too long, it sounds like I'm rubbing off on you," Jack commented, responding only to try to keep her calm. His eyes kept darting back up to the UAV, which had stopped falling but was wedged precariously as though it could fall again at any moment. Sure enough, it slipped off the branch it was resting on just as he was watching it.

"Carter, it's crashing again, just slide down the rest, I'll catch you!"

She wasn't too far above him at this point and the UAV was now picking up a lot of speed, looking very much like it wanted to squash his 2IC.

Carter looked down and let go. Jack caught her awkwardly and rolled them out of the way, to safety. The UAV crashed to the ground next to them in a loud cacophony of metallic clangs and bangs.

They lay on the ground trying to catch their breath. Actually, Jack lay on the ground, flat on his back, with his 2IC completely on top of him, also on her back. He had an arm around her from behind, stretching diagonally across the front of her body, his hand curled around her waist. His other arm had tried to protect her head while they rolled.

"Um, sir," Carter finally said once she got over the shock of being up in the tree, climbing down it, falling, and being rolled away from a crashing mini-plane. "Could you move your hand?"

"Actually, Carter, funny you should ask... I can't."

"Colonel," she stated in her 'this isn't funny at all sir' voice.

"I'm serious. I'm trying. I can't. I'm... stuck."

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Daniel and Teal'c stared at their joint hands for several moments before Daniel snapped into action. "It must have been that sap, we'd better tell Jack and Sam to watch out for it," he said quickly, fumbling for his radio. "Jack, Sam, come in... Jack, Sam, do you copy..."

Across the forest, still lying on the ground, still feeling up his 2IC, Jack craned his neck to look at their pile of removed clothing, where his radio crackled and Daniel tried to make contact.

"Okay, let's try... getting to our feet," Jack proposed, rolling onto his side and taking Carter with him.

"Well, if you can hear this, watch out for this sticky stuff, I think it's sap or algae or something, and anyway it's very adhesive so don't touch it! Teal'c and I are going to head your direction, Sam you'll need to get a sample of this stuff..."

"Shouldn't be a problem," Sam muttered dryly.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

"Why didn't my other arm get stuck to your head?" Jack wondered aloud. Luckily, the arm that had gone protectively in front of her face wasn't stuck to anything, so at least he had one free.

"I didn't have any of the sap stuff on my face, sir," she pointed out. "Luckily."

"Here come Danny and Teal'c," Jack stated unnecessarily.

Normally, Jack would have found the sight of Daniel and Teal'c approaching hand in hand (but still in full uniform and carrying their respective weapons) to be highly entertaining. But he had his own problems at the moment. Namely, he was plastered to his 2IC and all attempts to wriggle, slide, or break free had been unsuccessful, although not entirely unenjoyable. They had finally, after much rolling and fumbling, managed to get to their feet, but that was about it.

Daniel and Teal'c stopped as they saw Jack and Sam. "How did you get stuck like THAT?" Daniel asked.

Sam rolled her eyes.

"It's a long story," Jack started.

"I jumped out of a tree," Sam explained.

"Okay, I guess it's not that long. So, you guys..."

"Tripped over a log. Teal'c helped me up and... well, we can't let go of each other's hands. Although your problem seems a little... more severe."

"Ya think?" Jack and Sam both said at the same time.

"Well... you're touching her through her clothes, can't you just... take them off?"

Jack suppressed a groan and thought, yes, Daniel, this isn't awkward enough. Please suggest that the extremely hot woman I'm stuck to get _naked. _

"It won't work, it feels like we're stuck together right through the fabric somehow," Sam explained.

"Not just your skin?" Daniel asked.

"Right."

"So... everywhere you're touching?"

"Daniel, what difference does that make?" Jack barked.

"I guess it doesn't really. So, your entire back is stuck to Jack's chest?"

"Yes," Sam said impatiently. "Daniel, stop gawking at us and grab a sample of that stuff."

Daniel did as instructed, of course he needed Teal'c's help, since they both only had the use of one hand at the moment.

"Maybe we could try pouring water on it and see if it dissolves," Daniel suggested, pulling out his canteen. He poured its contents out over their joint hands but nothing happened other than now their hands were wet and stuck together. "Hmm... looks like we'll have to go back to the SGC and get Dr. Fraiser to determine what this stuff is and hopefully, find a way to get it off of us."

They all knew that's what they had to do, but they really, really didn't want to do it. SG-1 had been in some embarrassing situations over the years, but this had to be the worst. Especially for Jack and Sam. Hammond was going to have a hard time buying this one... and the rest of the SGC was going to have a field day when Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter returned from a routine mission stuck in what was their most compromising position to date.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

A/N: You should have seen where their hands were stuck in the _first _draft of this... definitely not suitable for primetime.


	2. Home Again

A/N: Well, by popular demand, this is the bit that changed from the first draft of this story:

_Jack momentarily had the wind knocked out of him from hitting the ground with his 2IC on top of him. It took a few seconds for him to realise the drama was over, and that now he was lying flat on his back on the ground with Carter on top of him. And that while one of his hands was around her waist, the other one, that had been aiming to cup her shoulder from behind, had missed its mark and landed squarely on his 2IC's black tee-shirt clad left breast. "Um, sir, could you move your hand?" she finally asked after several seconds of awkward silence. "Umm... I can't," he realized, wincing as he said it. _

I think it would be funnier for them to come through the gate like that, but it would be too weird for the rest of the story. I mean, I want to have them out and about the SGC, and I can't help but think that if they got stuck like _that, _they'd just hide somewhere until they were fixed. Also, it was a bit too mean, even for me, to leave Jack with _no _free hands at all.

I've had the first and last chapter to this one for ages, and I'm working on the middle just as fast as I can.

Nadya: Don't worry, that's exactly why this story had to be last.

Ch 2: Home Again

"Maybe you guys can go back and Carter and I can just wait here until you find a solution," Jack suggested as they walked back to the gate.

It took a lot longer than before, as they were forced into a rather awkward waddle while they walked, and Teal'c and Daniel were dragging the wrecked UAV behind them, not too bothered at this point about wrecking it further. Daniel had even managed to kick it when Sam wasn't paying attention, although all he really achieved was giving himself an achy toe.

"I doubt General Hammond will approve that, Jack," Daniel said logically. "We should be checked out to make sure there's no other side effects to whatever this is."

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

"General Hammond, we're receiving a transmission from SG-1," Sergeant Harriman reported, punching in a few keys so that every available monitor in the control room filled up with an extreme close-up of the entire flagship team. They must have been standing awfully close to each other for all four of their faces to be captured by the MALP's camera.

"SG-1, report," Hammond ordered, crossing his arms and staring at the monitor. It was unusual for them all to report together, although they looked unharmed. Preoccupied, certainly, but they were all clearly present, accounted for, and conscious.

"Well, General… Carter located the UAV and we've successfully retrieved it," O'Neill reported.

"Then what's the delay?" Hammond asked. 'Mission accomplished. Get your butts back here.' He was tempted to say it, but didn't.

"Well… we've hit a bit of a snag, sir," O'Neill continued.

"Alien opposition?" Hammond guessed.

"In a manner of speaking, General…"

"Sir, we'd like Dr. Fraiser and maybe a team of scientists to come through the gate, there's a substance here that we need to have analysed…" Carter said rapidly, taking over.

"Why can't you bring a sample back with you? Is it toxic?"

"Not exactly, sir," Carter hedged.

"General," Daniel began. "The substance in question has… unusually strong adhesive… qualities. And, well, we didn't know that when we 'found' it."

"Dr. Jackson, are you trying to tell me that the four of you are somehow… _stuck _together?"

"Well… not exactly. I mean, we are stuck together, but we're not _all _stuck to each other…" Daniel started. They all looked embarrassed. O'Neill and Carter shifted awkwardly.

"Well… I'm not authorizing the expense of sending an entire team to you just because you're embarrassed. Report back immediately, we'll initiate quarantine procedures to make sure nobody else is exposed to the adhesive substance. You have twenty minutes, SG-1. Hammond out."

He nodded to Harriman, who cut off the transmission, and went over to the phone on the wall to inform Dr. Fraiser of the situation. And to think, he had thought today was going to be slow…

vvvvvvvvvvvvv

"Well, it was worth a shot," Daniel muttered as he and Teal'c dragged the damaged UAV behind them, towards the Stargate.

"Indeed," Teal'c agreed.

"At least we're not them," Daniel added, nodding back at Jack and Sam, who were standing awkwardly next to the DHD.

"An excellent point, Daniel Jackson. Hopefully they will draw the majority of the attention."

"Okay, ready, on three," Jack said. Sam nodded. "One, two, three…"

They both appeared to be struggling against each other for several moments, but nothing happened. "Guys, give it up," Daniel called. "You look like you should be on a toilet right now!" As soon as he said it he wondered how they were going to work out bathroom procedures… hopefully Janet would figure out a way to get them all unstuck before that became an issue. Somehow he doubted it though.

Jack and Sam stopped trying to forcefully separate themselves and Sam started dialing the gate with unnecessary force, punching each symbol so hard that Jack muttered, "Geez, Carter, don't break the damn thing."

The wormhole established, and they all looked at it reluctantly. "Um, don't you want to…" Daniel started hopefully.

"No way. You're going first," Jack said firmly. "That's an order," he added for good measure. Daniel could tell he tried to cross his arms over his chest to accompany the smug look on his face. Unfortunately, Sam was in the way. He dropped his free arm hastily and mumbled an apology to her, then quickly barked, "Daniel! Move! And take that damned plane with you."

Daniel couldn't resist the urge to mock-salute him just before he and Teal'c stepped through the puddle, hand in hand.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Janet could feel a migraine coming on. The morning had been progressing normally when General Hammond called her and ordered her to have Level 3 De-con procedures ready for SG-1 in twenty minutes. She had barely had time to ask him what they had been exposed to before he slammed the phone down, making her own end of the extension click loudly.

"Alien adhesive?" she allowed herself one moment to marvel aloud before she snapped into action and began delegating tasks.

Now, she was waiting in the gate room next to the General, who had his 'absolutely don't mess with me' face on this morning. The wormhole had been established, SG-1's IDC received, the MALP had just rolled its way down the ramp, and still no SG-1. Finally, Daniel and Teal'c stepped through the event horizon, Teal'c dragging the damaged UAV in one hand, holding Daniel's hand in the other.

"General Hammond, we have been exposed to an extremely adhesive substance that seems only to bond to human skin," Teal'c informed him, dropping the UAV near the MALP.

"How do you know that?" Daniel asked before Janet could.

Teal'c looked at Daniel and said, "Your hand did not stick to the log on which you encountered the substance, Daniel Jackson. It only adhered to mine when I offered you assistance."

"Oh yeah, that's right. And Jack and Sam…" Daniel turned to the puddle and said, "Speaking of Jack and Sam… where are they?"

The question didn't have to hang in the air unanswered for very long. Before Janet had fully absorbed the sight of Daniel and Teal'c strolling down the ramp hand in hand, she got an even funnier sight as Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter came through the gate. If they hadn't both looked so sheepish and embarrassed, it might have looked like he was taking her hostage.

"Colonel O'Neill! Major Carter! I don't care how adhesive this substance is, you'd better have a damn good explanation for how you got like that in the first place!" Hammond said sternly.

"It's not what it looks like, sir," Sam said quickly. Janet thought, from the way Sam was concentrating all of her attention on Hammond, that she was probably pretending the twenty other people gaping at her weren't even there.

"Carter was fetching your plane for you, sir," O'Neill began.

"It hit a tree, sir. A tree excreting some kind of sap. And, well, the UAV started to fall and I had to get down much faster than I got up…"

"She was about to be squashed by the UAV, so I ordered her to drop the rest of the way down and I sort of caught her and, well, we had to roll out of the way and… by the time it was over we tried to sit up and… couldn't. At least, not separately."

"I see," Hammond said tersely. He still looked mad about the whole thing, although Janet now felt nothing but pity for them, especially for Sam, who looked like she'd rather be anywhere else in the world right now than standing in front of the base commander with her CO plastered to her from behind. "Dr. Fraiser?"

Snapping into action, Janet quickly said, "Right, you're all going through Level 3 Decontamination procedures immediately, just to be certain. Make sure nobody else touches you anywhere, even on your clothes. Do you have a sample of the substance that hasn't already been in contact with any of your skin?"

"Yes," Daniel said quickly, holding up a little vial.

"Good. Follow me. And for the love of God, all of you keep your hands to yourselves."

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv


	3. Testing Patients

A/N: This chapter is basically a pity-party, but I had to get it out of the way for the funnier bits to be remotely plausible. Don't worry, eventually all of those bathroom/sleeping/showering things will be addressed. I'm already about halfway through the next chapter, so it might even be out later today - I'm definitely doing this one as fast as I possibly can.

_Previously..._

_"Follow me. And for God's sakes keep your hands to yourselves."_

Ch 3: Testing Patients

Two hours later, SG-1 was grouped together in one of the curtained-off areas of the infirmary. They were all understandably uncomfortable and irritated.

Decontamination was far from fun even when you were alone, but when they all had to go through it together (some of them more 'together' than others, of course,) it was even less entertaining than they remembered. Jack and Sam had been right while speculating on the planet - the nurse in the HazMat suit had been unable to get their tee-shirts off, so after being power-washed, sprayed with various things, and sent through a dozen other procedures, (which, despite what Jack said, did not actually include being 'buffed to a nice sheen'), they were left with damp hair and damp tee-shirts, although they'd been wrestled into dry scrub pants.

Daniel and Teal'c had had their shirts cut off by a well-meaning person who had belatedly realized they couldn't get new shirts _on_ around their joined hands, so they were both now bare-chested and more uncomfortable than ever. Nobody spoke much, until Dr. Fraiser finally re-joined them, pulling the curtain completely closed around her.

"Okay, guys. I think it goes without saying that this is a new one and we don't know what we're dealing with yet here. The sample is being analysed already, hopefully we'll be able to find something to dissolve the substance very quickly, but in the meantime, I think we should try to figure out what exactly we're dealing with here. Since you're already stuck to each other, we're going to have to take a few risks between you before we risk other people getting stuck to you as well. So, Daniel, as far as you know you didn't touch the substance anywhere else?"

"No… I tripped over a log covered with it, fell on my ass, and put my hand in it when I was trying to get up."

"So it's possible your legs or… backside came into contact with it as well?"

"Ummm… I guess," Daniel admitted reluctantly, looking at the rest of his team uncomfortably.

"Okay, I want you to touch yourself…"

Unable to resist, Jack let out an, "Ooh, Doc!" that earned him a sharp elbow in the ribs from his 2IC.

Janet didn't bother to respond. "And see if you… get stuck."

"Why do I have to be the guinea pig?" Daniel asked.

"Well… Teal'c most likely only came into contact with it on your hand, and Jack and Sam, well… there's not a lot of places left to try on them."

Sam reddened and Jack glared at Fraiser.

"Fine," Daniel said, bending awkwardly and quickly scanning the backs of his legs and his posterior. "Nothing," he said.

"Okay. It's possible, I suppose, that the skin has to be from two different people for the adhesive to… activate. Teal'c, I need you to do the same thing Daniel just did."

"Dr. Fraiser, are you certain this is necessary?" Teal'c asked quietly.

"I'm sorry, Teal'c, but we need to determine what it's safe for you to come into contact with."

"Uh, Doc, I think you're overestimating the amount of people who want to come into contact with Daniel's ass," Jack contributed. Sam looked like she privately agreed with him.

"Colonel, of all the people in this room, you should be on your very best behavior if you expect me to be sympathetic when I get round to you."

"Yes, ma'am," Jack said quickly, giving her a look of utmost repentance. When she turned her attention back to Daniel and Teal'c, Jack mumbled to his 2IC (which was a very easy thing to do as her ear was now so conveniently close to his mouth), "Maybe she's researching that area for her own personal interests."

Sam laughed despite herself, earning them suspicious looks and a scowl from Janet.

Teal'c mumbled something in Goa'uld and quickly ran his hand up Daniel's left leg, standing up straight again and giving Fraiser a look that dared her to try to make him touch Daniel's ass.

"O…kay, that'll do," Janet said. "Although it's possible you didn't come into contact with the substance anywhere besides your hand, however unlikely. So, Sam, you must have been pretty covered with it if you were hugging one of the trees that produces it…"

"Janet…" Sam warned.

"Stomach. Both of you," she ordered.

Glaring at the 'ha, your turn now pal' look he was getting from both Daniel _and _Teal'c, Jack finally resigned himself to the idea that this day really couldn't get much weirder, so he might as well go along with it.

After several different, but all embarrassing and awkward trials, Dr. Fraiser finally determined that none of them were in danger of being stuck to each other or to anyone else, and declared them safe to be on base and 'interact with your environment as usual.' Jack snorted at that and didn't bother to voice the comment that came to mind.

General Hammond joined them as Daniel and Teal'c made themselves comfortable sitting side by side on one of the gurneys. Jack looked at them with envy - his knees had been killing him before any of this started. He was sick of standing, but it had occurred to him at some point during the decontamination that any sitting would mean that Carter was sitting as well, and with the way they were stuck she'd have to be sitting in his lap.

While he was certain that they'd both have to sit down at some point, and that he'd inevitably enjoy it a lot more than he was supposed to, he'd really rather try to minimalize the potential awkwardness of this whole situation - and a good way to start doing that would probably be not to sit around with his 2IC in his lap while Hammond and Fraiser had a nice long chat about how to 'unstick' them.

Hammond surveyed them and Jack couldn't help but shift uncomfortably when the General's eyes spent an extra amount of time studying the arm that was stuck to Carter. Hammond finally sighed and said, "What do you have so far, Doctor?"

Fraiser, who had been wrapping her patients in blankets - one for Daniel, who was chilly without a shirt, and one for Jack and Sam, who were chilly in their _wet _shirts, gave Hammond an optimistic smile and said, "Well, sir, the good news is that they're not a danger to themselves or anyone else, as fast as I can determine. I don't know if it was the decontamination procedures or the nature of the substance itself, at this point, but the bottom line is…"

"We're still stuck, sir, but we're no longer… sticky," Jack finished.

"Basically, yes sir," Janet said, nodding.

"All right… where do we go from here?" Hammond asked, looking suddenly tired.

"Well, one of the nurses has a hair dryer in her locker so I thought we'd get Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill a bit dryer if we can, and we're working on some sort of side-tying scrub shirts for Teal'c and Daniel… after that, they'll pretty much be about as comfortable as I can make them, sir. I'm going to get the clothes we were able to remove into the lab for analysis as well, and we'll begin trying to find out what this substance is made of and what it will take to break it apart."

vvvvvvvvvvv

Three hours later, the collective frustration level of SG-1 had reached unprecedented levels. While Fraiser ran test after test, now heading a large group of doctors and scientists, Dr. Lee tested common solvents on them, one after another, all unsuccessfully.

"I think they've had enough for today," Fraiser finally said when she stopped by to check their progress, or lack thereof.

"Thank you," Jack said, the frustration in his voice obvious.

Janet looked at him closely and noticed that he and Sam were still standing. She wondered if they'd been standing all day, and figured, based on how exhausted they both looked, that they had been. If that was the case, the Colonel's knees had to be killing him, and both their backs probably weren't in much better shape.

"We could try some harsher sol…" Dr. Lee started.

Fraiser shook her head firmly. The man was a scientist (a good one, perhaps) but not a doctor. Like Sam, he was more concerned with fixing the problem than making sure his test subjects weren't exhausting themselves.

"All four of you are spending the night in the VIP quarters, they're bringing an extra bed in there right now - and I'm going to bring you whatever you'd like for dinner so you don't have to go to the commissary in your… condition."

They all chorused their thanks.

"Guys… I know this must be frustrating beyond belief for all of you, but please, just try to relax and stay as comfortable as possible. I promise you we are all working as hard as we can on this. General Hammond's already sent a message to Thor and to the Tok'ra, in case they know something we don't…"

"Oh great, that's just what I need right now, a visit from Dad," O'Neill said sarcastically.

Janet gave them both a sympathetic look and said, "It could be much worse, you know. And we're working on it."

Sam started speaking very quickly. "Janet, I should be working on this - actually working, not just standing here letting Dr. Lee squirt various chemicals on me. Daniel and Teal'c can be the testers and I can…"

"Sam," Janet interrupted. "First of all, I agree with Dr. Lee's assessment that everything should be tested on both of you. It's possible that due to the layer of clothing between you two, there might be different results. Tomorrow you can start working on it - I know you'll go insane if I don't let you anyway. Tonight, you need to sit down and rest. That goes for all of you. And it's an order."

Janet crossed her arms and gave them all her firmest 'I'm in charge here,' look until they all bowed their heads slightly and nodded their acquiescence.

vvvvvvvvvvvvv

"Sir, come on!" Carter objected wearily.

"I'm sorry," her CO apologized, peeling a cheesy pepperoni off of her shoulder. "I can't eat very well with my left hand, I thought pizza would be easy…"

"Daniel Jackson, pass me another breadstick," Teal'c requested.

They were in the VIP quarters, all sitting at the small table, not taking up very much room since Teal'c and Daniel had to remain close, and Sam and Jack had finally admitted defeat and were sitting down. Everyone knew Jack's knees were killing him, but none of them mentioned it.

They were all so exhausted by their day that there was little talking while they all ate rather clumsily. Jack had taken Fraiser's offer to bring them whatever they wanted literally, and she had been forced to leave the base to go to his favorite pizza place. Now, he was making his way through an extra-large thick crust with everything. Sam was eating pasta, Daniel wanted a meatball sub, and Teal'c wanted what everyone else was having. Only Teal'c seemed largely unaffected by his 'condition,' plodding through his meal as steadily and methodically as ever, as though he and Daniel usually held hands while they ate.

Sam had to admit, she was really impressed with how Daniel and Teal'c were handling their situation. They were undoubtedly perturbed, as there had been many snickers and whispers already, despite Janet's efforts to keep them largely off-limits to the rest of the base, but they were both being so patient. Sam wondered if it was Teal'c's influence on Daniel over the years, or another lasting effect of Daniel spending a year as an ascended being. Maybe it was some of both, because Jack and Sam had been around Teal'c just as long as Daniel had and were having a much more difficult time. Then again, Sam highly doubted there was any unresolved sexual tension between Daniel and Teal'c, and even if there was, they were only joined at the hand. Sam was so uncomfortable with her own situation that she was really considering taking Janet up on her offer of something to help her sleep later.

She rolled her eyes when she felt something else land on her, but her CO was already apologizing for the latest spill as he leaned forward, set his pizza slice down on the edge of the table, grabbed a napkin, and wiped pizza sauce off of her neck.

"There's a mushroom in her hair," Daniel said helpfully when Jack tossed the napkin back to the table.

"Major Carter?" Teal'c asked as he finished his second submarine sandwich and Jack carefully plucked the offensive mushroom from his 2IC's hair.

"What?"

"Do you remember your advice to the young duplicate O'Neill?"

Sam thought for a moment and then remembered advising him (they had thought it was really _their_ Colonel at the time) to try enjoying his embarrassing situation as much as they were. Since that O'Neill had turned out to be a clone, only Teal'c knew about that conversation. She smiled at him gratefully and said, "Maybe tomorrow, Teal'c. Hopefully."

Janet came back once more after they finished eating. "Tucking us in, Mom?" O'Neill asked sarcastically.

"Yes. Go brush your teeth and then come take your medicine," Janet said as though she were speaking to a three-year old.

When he didn't object to the very strong pain pills Janet was practically forcing down his throat, Sam knew he felt even worse than he was letting on and felt guilty about it - she wasn't exactly making the situation any easier on either of them. Maybe Teal'c was right…

"Sam? You okay?" Daniel asked as he got into the extra bed that had been set up in the VIP quarters.

"Yeah… just… having a very Scarlett O'Hara moment," she muttered.

Janet made her take a pill and patted her arm sympathetically. "Tomorrow is another day, Sam." Sam knew Janet meant it to be encouraging and optimistic, but it came out sounding more like an ominous threat than anything else.

She allowed herself a few moments to think about how bizarre their lives were as she got into bed with her CO, across from the rest of their team. Since Teal'c didn't sleep very much, even after losing Junior, the situation was even weirder than it would have been otherwise - he was sitting on the floor next to the bed, his arm awkwardly over his head on the mattress next to Daniel. He attempted to meditate, candles lit around him, trying valiantly to ignore the fact that he was stuck holding hands with Daniel.

Despite being exhausted, and drugged, Sam couldn't sleep. She also couldn't move, because the pill Janet had made the Colonel take had knocked him out almost immediately, and she was now trapped on her side by the dead weight of her snoring CO. She had nothing to do but watch Teal'c and Daniel and pretend that she was not in the most uncomfortable situation of her life. Daniel was not a still sleeper, and he kept disrupting Teal'c's meditation attempts by rolling towards the center of the bed.

Sam was finally almost asleep when Daniel suddenly sat up looking terrified, screaming what she was fairly certain was a nasty Russian swear word. Everyone woke up except for the O'Neill-shaped lump attached to her back. "Sorry," Daniel apologized sheepishly to all of them. "I had a dream the base was on fire…"

Clearly Daniel wasn't comfortable sleeping while surrounded by lit candles.

Teal'c extinguished them all reluctantly and lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling with his eyes open.

"Major Carter," he finally admitted after they both lay awake for nearly another hour. "I too am feeling like Scarlett O'Hara."

Sam had to suppress a laugh at the image of Teal'c dressed as a southern belle... and since they were holding hands, Daniel grew a greasy mustache and donned a smoking jacket... she dozed off hoping images of Daniel and Teal'c, dressed as Scarlett and Rhett, wouldn't completely fill her dreams. Then again, sustaining permanent psychological damage from the thought of Teal'c in a corset was probably still preferable to letting her mind wander to the fact that the man she'd been trying _not _to touch since she'd met him was now stuck to her, snoring into her neck.


	4. Good Morning Campers

A/N: Random personal story: Has anybody else out there been able to _see _a kicking baby? Well, I'm not sure if it's one or both of them, but my tummy often has little toes and what-not poking out while somebody in there kicks away. Anyway, tonight I set the remote on myself and one of the little buggers actually knocked it right off!

Anyway... two chapters in one day - I haven't managed this in a long time! Quick reminder: this _is _rated 'T,' although I still consider it a pretty clean 'T,' especially under the circumstances. Thanks to everyone who's responding so quickly and enthusiastically to this - it's always nice to know I'm not the only one who finds this funny.

melpomene-muse of tragedy: Thank you _so _much!

Ch 4: Good Morning, Campers

Jack woke up confused. It wasn't unprecedented - he often woke up confused. He knew he had gone to bed with the aid of Dr. Fraiser's lovely medication, based on the fact that all the pain from yesterday was gone and he actually felt pretty damn good.

Too good actually. As his head cleared a bit more, he remembered why he was in bed, on base with his 2IC, and why he was plastered to her. He hadn't really had much to worry about yesterday - he'd been so exhausted and annoyed with the situation and all of Dr. Lee's damn tests, then the Doc had drugged him... but after a good night's sleep he had a big problem, one that probably couldn't be laughed off with a side-arm joke this time.

He really hoped Carter was still asleep, although he realized it probably didn't matter - the situation was bound to come up as long as they had to be stuck like this. He rolled his eyes as he realized the double meaning behind a lot of his thoughts. The simple truth was that he was completely aroused and there was only a limited amount of space he could put between the cause and effect of his arousal.

Teal'c and Daniel! Jack had never been happier to see them in his life. They came in from the small bathroom attached to the VIP room and he decided it was high time he thought about the two of them in there together, holding hands, doing bathroom things... yes, much better. Although now he was a little bit nauseous.

"Morning, Jack. Feeling better?" Daniel asked.

"You have no idea," Jack said sincerely. "And thank you. Both of you."

"Umm... okay, yeah. Well, Teal'c and I are going to go get coffee and breakfast now - it's still early so the commissary shouldn't be too crowded... do you want us to bring you guys something?"

"Yeah that would be good. Thanks."

"Sure."

"Would you like anything specific, O'Neill?"

"Umm... no, I don't care. Whatever looks remotely edible." He realized his definition of 'remotely edible' was different than Teal'c's and added, "To Daniel."

"We will return shortly," Teal'c promised. They left. Jack couldn't help but watch them as they went - it was just bizarre to see Teal'c holding _anyone's _hand, let alone Daniel's.

"Hey, um, Carter... wake up," he said once they were alone.

She was completely zonked. Jack wondered how long it had taken her to fall asleep. He should have asked Teal'c. He felt bad waking her but he really, really had to pee. Recalling their trip to the toilet the night before, all the lovely and inappropriate things he'd been thinking about when he woke up evaporated: some things just weren't sexy at all.

"Carter..." He squeezed her shoulder and gave her a little shake.

She mumbled, "Get the C4 away from the Jell-o" and nuzzled into the pillow.

He had to laugh, wondering what in the name of crap she could possibly be dreaming about. "Carter... wakey wakey. Daniel's teaching Teal'c how to skateboard in your lab."

"Duzzee have a helmet on?" she asked, lifting her head drowsily. He couldn't see her face, but he imagined she was blinking in confusion, probably wondering why they were in bed together. "Wait... Daniel can't skateboard," she said after a few moments.

He chuckled and said, "Hey, I couldn't think of anything better. You're hard to wake up when we're not on another planet."

"Sorry... what time is it?" She started to sit up so he had to go with her.

He held up his watch, but since his other hand was stuck to her he couldn't lift the velcro part to read it himself. She did it for him and groaned. "Seven?"

"Yeah. Danny and T are bringing breakfast. And knowing Daniel, lots of coffee. They just left. But while they're gone I wanted to er..." He shifted awkwardly behind her.

"Pee?" she guessed.

"No. Well, yes, but... first I um... I kind of need to be looking at you when I say this, okay?" He figured now was as good a time as any to get this humiliating conversation out of the way: he really did need to pee so he'd be forced to do it quickly. Like ripping off a band-aid.

"That's kind of tricky at the moment," she finally said, clearly trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with him today.

He got to his feet, so of course she had to do the same, and he shuffled them over to the dresser and mirror. "There. Um, morning," he said when he was looking her in the face through the mirror.

"Morning," she said carefully. It looked like she was trying to decide if it was possible that one of the side effects of the alien glue stuff was complete insanity.

"Look... I don't know how long we're gonna be stuck like this," Jack started, now wishing he couldn't see how worried and slightly scared she looked. "Er... okay, the thing is... I mean I wish we didn't have to talk about this because it's kind of tied into a lot of the stuff we don't ever talk about because we're not allowed to and all... but okay. I think we kind of have to now."

"O...kay."

He tried willing her to understand what he was talking about. Apparently neither one of them was psychic.

"Look, you're hot okay," he blurted out suddenly.

Her eyes widened in surprise.

"I mean, I think we can both just acknowledge that you're like the hottest woman I know, and, we're stuck like this, and... well, you know, even if there wasn't... not to say that there isn't, but... okay that's not the point. Look, you're going to be sitting on my lap and everything for who knows how long and I'm sorry but sometimes I probably won't be able to er... I mean you'll be able to tell... it'll be pretty obvious that I like having you there. Okay."

She looked over his shoulder vaguely, in the mirror, for several moments, then furrowed her brow and cleared her throat as she finally understood what he was trying to say. "Umm, well..."

He could tell she got it when she turned a delicate shade of pink. "I'm sorry."

"It's... I mean there's nothing to be sorry about, it's not like this is your fault or anything... look. I was thinking about this a lot last night after you and Daniel started your snoring contest..."

"Was it that bad?"

"Yes," she said simply.

"Oh."

"Anyway. Umm. This is embarrassing. And awkward... and a lot of other things too. You were right to... I mean it's probably good that we tried to, you know, talk about this."

"I thought it was a pretty bad attempt."

"Well, yes, maybe," she agreed, smiling a little. "But this is, once again, an unfair situation, forcing stuff out of us that we're forced not to... I mean it's really not that different from the zay'tarc incident when you think about it. Anyway. What I'm trying to say is... I think the only way we're going to get through this whole thing and remain relatively sane is if we... well, me, mostly, I guess... just try to relax a little. So, okay, we've acknowledged that it's awkward, but it's awkward for both of us, and I hadn't thought about it yesterday but it's probably even more uncomfortable for you now that you've brought it up..." She winced at her badly-chosen phrasing, but he didn't mention it.

"That's an understatement."

"Sir."

"Sorry."

"Look. We have to just try to be... sort of comfortable about... everything. As much as we can anyway. And just keep it between us as much as possible." She stopped talking and rolled her eyes; he could see her cheeks turn pinker in the mirror.

"I didn't mean it like that," she said, embarrassed.

"I know. You're right. It's a hard situation..." Now it was his turn to roll his eyes. "I didn't do that on purpose," he insisted.

"I know. We just can't make this into a big thing or..." she started.

"It's nothing we can't handle…" he said at the same time.

Group eye-roll, all together now.

They caught each other's eyes in the mirror and suddenly burst into laughter.

"Good," Jack finally said when they were done laughing. "Well, okay then, glad we had this little talk. And _now _I'd really like to get all of our bathroom-related business taken care of before Daniel and Teal'c get back."

"Me too."

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Daniel couldn't help but get embarrassed at some of the looks he was getting. Everybody on base knew that Teal'c could still kick their ass, even with one hand, so Daniel was the one receiving all the snickers and amused looks for both of them. The Marines were the worst. He and Teal'c sat down at an out-of-the-way table in the commissary, across from each other, each with their own trays, their joint hands stretching over the table top, resting next to the syrup. Teal'c's back was to SG-3's table, but his presence didn't stop the Marines from making kissing faces at Daniel.

He sulked into his waffles for a few minutes before whining, "Teal'c, can we go back to our room now?"

Then he winced as he realized the Marines overheard that. They looked scandalized for a few moments and one of them stage-whispered, "Guys, come on. What they do on their own time..."

"We cannot carry trays for Major Carter, O'Neill, and ourselves at the same time, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c pointed out. "You must ignore the immaturity of the Marines. Only then will they leave you alone."

Daniel nodded and polished off his second cup of coffee. "Did Master Bray'tac teach you that?" he asked.

"Nick-at-Nite," Teal'c replied.

"Of course," Daniel muttered.

He tried to take Teal'c's advice, but found it much easier to inhale his breakfast as quickly as possible instead and imagine some of the more creative ancient Egyptian tortures being exacted on the Marines.

On their way back to the VIP quarters, each of them balancing a tray in one hand for their team members, Daniel said, "At least we're not Jack and Sam, right? I mean, I can't imagine being stuck that closely to someone I wasn't supposed to be in lo..."

Teal'c squeezed Daniel's hand suddenly, so hard Daniel almost dropped the tray he was carrying. "Teal'c! What the hell did you do that for..."

They rounded the corner and nearly collided with General Hammond and Sergeant Harriman. "Oh, General, sir, sorry, good morning, I didn't hear you coming," Daniel spluttered, nearly dropping his tray for a second time.

"Dr. Jackson... how are you holding up?"

Realizing Teal'c had heard someone approaching (Teal'c probably even knew who it was as well) and had been trying to keep Daniel from saying something really stupid, Daniel continued stammering, "Oh you know, fine, I'm fine, we're... fine..."

Hammond gave him a 'concerned father' look and asked kindly, "How much coffee have you had this morning, Doctor?"

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

"Jack! Sam! Let us in!" Daniel called through the door.

"You want to get it or should I?" Carter asked lightly as they both went to the door.

"Very funny," Jack said, pulling the door open to let them in.

It was clear why they'd needed help - both carried heavily laden trays. Sam immediately took Daniel's from him and the four of them made their way to the little table where they'd eaten their dinner.

"You boys already eat?" Jack asked as he noticed that most of the items on the trays were clearly for them - although they seemed to have forgotten that they'd need to put their food on the same tray so they could both reach it. There were a lot of things neither officer ate though, and Jack correctly guessed that Teal'c had been rushed through his breakfast because Daniel was uncomfortable.

"Indeed. Although the presence of SG-3 made it a most unpleasant experience," Teal'c said.

They all moved a few items around on the trays and finally resumed their seats from the night before. Carter was eyeing the oatmeal on their tray hesitantly after they all got settled.

"What?" Jack asked as he clumsily dug his spoon into it with his left hand.

"Nothing... just try to keep it out of my hair. Sir."

Daniel muttered something to Teal'c about Jack needing to be fed.

"Carter, I'm not going to get it in your hair... whoops!" He pretended to drop the spoon on her and then kept waving it dangerously close to her. Normally she would have dodged out of the way, but she had limited dodging capabilities in their current positions.

She finally resorted to picking up the bowl and holding it out of his reach, like a hostage. They were both trying not to laugh as Jack gave her 'direct orders' to let the oatmeal go and 'they could all walk away from this unharmed.'

With a sudden extremely playful glint in her eyes, she said, "I might be entitled to a little revenge after you spilled pizza all over me last night... you know oatmeal is supposed to be good for the skin but I wonder what it would do for your hair..."

She started acting like she was going to dump the whole bowl of it onto his head, and he tried to block her arms with his one free arm, also trying not to drop the spoon in his hand. Daniel and Teal'c were just watching them, pleasantly surprised that they had decided to get over the weirdness of the situation and just go with it. It would make all their lives so much easier... Daniel wondered how they'd worked it out.

The oatmeal battle was put on hold when there was a sharp knock on the door followed immediately by Hammond and Fraiser entering. Jack and Sam quickly got to their feet for their CO, which just looked absurd given the fact that they were stuck together. Plus Jack was still holding a ridiculously over-heaped spoonful of oatmeal in his only free hand and they had not been quick enough for Hammond not to see that Major Carter had been about to dump an entire bowl of oatmeal on her CO's head.

"As you were, people," Hammond said, choosing to ignore commenting on how he'd found them because he quite frankly didn't know what to say about it. "And let's just make that a standing order until we get you two... separated. Dr. Fraiser wants to check you over and make sure there aren't any complications of any sort developing, and then we'll discuss our options for today. Major, Colonel, you can sit down now."

"Yes, sir," they both mumbled, obediently sitting down. It was beyond weird, Jack thought, having your CO order you to sit down with your 2IC in your lap.

"Jack and Sam haven't gotten to eat breakfast yet though, and I was going to go back for some more coffee..." Daniel started hesitantly.

"I'll have someone set up a pot in here for you, Daniel," Fraiser said, knowing the archaeologist's addiction rivaled her own.

"Thank you," he said gratefully.

"Well, I assumed based on the fact that Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill were playing with their food that they had eaten already, but apparently I was mistaken," Hammond said. He gave himself a mental high-five when they both looked sheepish, and decided to have a little fun of his own. He sat down across from them and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest and giving them a cat-that-ate-the-canary smile. "By all means, take your time."

"Sir, you don't need to..." Carter started hesitantly.

"No, no, I haven't had breakfast yet myself, usually skip it, you know... Dr. Fraiser, why don't you send the Airman outside the door to the commissary for another tray for each of us, and see about that coffee. We'll just all have breakfast together."

"Yes, sir," Fraiser said obediently, scurrying away to take care of it.

Jack wondered if you could be court-martialed just for shooting your CO a nasty look, and decided he'd better not risk it.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv


	5. Sticking Together

Ch 5: Sticking Together

By lunchtime, Jack was going insane with boredom. Carter was working like crazy in her lab, trying to figure out a solution to their problem. Which meant he had little to do but perch uncomfortably on a stool behind her and 'stay out of her way.' Yes, those had been Hammond's exact orders at the end of their little group breakfast of awkwardness.

He couldn't help but notice that the crowded lab had emptied gradually throughout the day, as the novelty of sneaking amused looks at the two of them wore off and Jack's grumpy attitude started to scare people away. He didn't have a problem with that - actually, he had been making wagers with himself in his head all morning about which geek would be the next to leave.

Once they'd been left alone, he really had nothing to do. After a few bad attempts to use a yo-yo with just his left hand, Carter offered to 'help' and took it from him. He'd thought she was going to untangle the string for him but instead she'd just thrown it across the room into the rubbish bin and gone back to work without saying anything.

"Carter, come on, it's lunchtime," he said at precisely 12.00, poking her repeatedly in the shoulder until he had her attention.

She lifted her head from the microscope and glanced at the clock. "I don't really think you want to go to the commissary right now, sir, do you?"

"Well..." _It might be worth it, just to get out of this damn lab, _he thought, but he finally said,"No, I guess not. Come on, I've been pretty quiet all morning."

He didn't bother to mention that his patience had officially run out, and she probably wouldn't be getting as much relatively uninterrupted work done in the afternoon. Somehow, he doubted that would help his 'let's go to lunch' argument.

"That's true," she agreed reluctantly. "But..."

Her phone rang, and Jack jumped to his (their) feet at the welcome interruption, answering with a quick, "O'Neill."

"Hey, Jack, it's me," Daniel said. "Janet's having lunch brought to the VIP room for us again, are you about ready to..."

"We'll be there in one minute!" Jack interrupted.

Daniel laughed on the other end of the phone and said, "Yeah... that's kind of what I figured. See you."

Jack hung up the phone quickly and said, "Did you hear all that?"

"Yeah. I need to shut this down first."

"Hurry up. I think it's sloppy joe day!" He clapped her on the shoulder as he said it.

She turned her head at a really awkward angle and gave him an 'oh, please be joking' look. "Sir... We're going to be stuck in these tee-shirts for who knows how long, maybe sloppy joes aren't the best way to go..."

"Relax, Carter, I was joking. Come on, let's go."

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Daniel and Teal'c were waiting on Jack and Sam to begin lunch. "How do you think they're managing it? He's probably going to start driving her up a wall pretty soon if he isn't already," Daniel asked, trying to imagine Jack being forced to sit still in Sam's lab all morning long.

"Perhaps I should give O'Neill a few strategies on meditation," Teal'c suggested.

The door opened and they both looked at their teammates in surprise - they looked a little tired but didn't appear to be harboring any murderous thoughts towards each other.

"Hey, guys," Daniel finally said as they sat down in what had already more or less become 'their' chair and started surveying their lunches. "How's it going?"

"Good," Jack said, reaching for one of the sandwiches. It was easy to eat one-handed, and probably wouldn't be very messy.

Teal'c jerked Daniel's hand and nudged his plate towards him, giving him a look that Daniel interpreted as 'leave them alone.' So he did, focusing on eating. But he couldn't help glancing at them curiously every once in a while. The way they were stuck together, you had to wonder... it couldn't be that comfortable for either of them, but especially Jack, and what if he...

"Daniel, for cryin out loud!" Jack finally barked.

"What?"

"Stop looking at us like that!"

"Sorry, I just... how do you go to the bathroom?" He'd been dying to ask.

Jack and Sam both renewed their interest in the tray in front of them, and Daniel didn't think they were going to answer. Jack mumbled, "Carter's real bendy," and stuck half a sandwich in his mouth while Sam reddened.

Daniel blinked at them slowly for a few moments and finally realized that was all either of them was going to say about it. He was trying to think of something else to say to change the subject, but Teal'c thought of it first. "Dr. Fraiser wishes to see us again after lunch."

"Oh goody," Jack and Sam both muttered.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

They let Janet do her tests on them until she was satisfied that they weren't about to die or anything, and Jack was just trying to decide which one was worse: an afternoon in the infirmary or an afternoon in Carter's lab, when Dr. Lee came and took Daniel and Teal'c away to test some more potential solvents he'd been working on.

After the two men had left, Jack asked conversationally, "Does anyone else keep imagining them skipping through the halls like that?"

Judging by the looks Carter and Fraiser gave him – no.

"Now I am," Carter muttered. "Janet are we done here? I've got a lot of work to do."

"And I've got a lot of sitting around to do, I guess," Jack said with a dramatic sigh as they headed back to the lab.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Sam had known it wouldn't be easy working under these conditions. It was hard enough to focus when her CO barged into her lab and started fiddling with anything not nailed down, trying to get her to take a break, asking ridiculous questions... and usually there was a whole work bench between them when he did that.

She knew he'd been as patient as was physically possible for him that morning, but she was still surprised when she tried to get back to work after lunch. She idly wondered whether Janet give him a nice hefty dose of Ritalin or something as she grabbed the pen he'd been tapping against the edge of the table for the past five minutes and forty-one seconds. She sent the pen the way of the yo-yo and could practically _feel _him sulking.

"You're binning a lot of stuff that still works, you know," he said casually.

"You'll run out of things to play with eventually," she said distractedly, moving back to her microscope.

"Would you _stop _jumping up like that? Give a guy a little warning!"

"Sorry, sir." She truly was sorry about that. She did tend to get a little bit absorbed in the work and kept forgetting that any sudden movements on her part yanked him along with her.

"Are you thirsty?" he tried hopefully.

"No."

"Hungry?"

"We just ate," she reminded him.

"Oh."

He tried to sneak one of the cultures off the table and examine it but she saw him out of the corner of her eye. She grabbed it back and said, "If we waste the samples someone else will have to go back for more."

"I just wanted to _see _it," he said defensively.

Hmm... maybe that would actually interest him for a few seconds. "Okay, here, look." She adjusted a few knobs on the microscope and ducked her head to the side so he could look through the lenses.

He hunched over her and squinted into the microscope. "Neat," he finally said, standing up straight again.

"Yes, sir. It's actually a rather remarkable substance, and since the planet was devoid of humans, it could turn out to be a great resource... I mean, who knows what something that bonds this strongly could be used for - aircraft repair, maybe, or..."

"Assuming we figure out how to get it _off _first."

"We will. It's just a matter of time, sir."

"Hey it would be pretty ironic if this stuff ended up being used to make the UAVs a bit more durable, wouldn't it?"

She laughed, suddenly feeling a lot better, and said, "Yes, sir, it would."

Feeling a new wave of pity for him, she grabbed a spare notebook and handed it to him.

"What's this for?" he asked.

"I've seen you entertain yourself for hours during Daniel's meetings with a blank piece of paper, Colonel..."

"Yeah but I'm right handed... hey maybe I can teach myself to be ambidextrous!"

She leaned over the table for a pencil she'd rolled out of his reach earlier and passed it to him, suddenly realizing how her mother must have felt trying to keep her quiet during church when she was little.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

"Teal'c, do people hold hands on Chulak? I mean, like they do on Earth?"

"They do not, Daniel Jackson."

"That's interesting."

"I suppose."

Dr. Lee said, "Okay, I think this one might do the trick..." He spread a white goopy thing on their hands with a tongue-depressor. "Let's just leave that on for a few min..."

"It's burning!" Daniel suddenly exclaimed.

"What?" Dr. Lee asked nervously.

"It's burning, it's burning!" Daniel hopped on his feet in place, hissing at the pain – his hand felt like it was on fire.

"Okay, Dr. Jackson, we'll get it off..." Dr. Lee said quickly, hurrying over to a cupboard for some distilled water. "Teal'c, it's not burning you as well?"

"It is not," Teal'c replied, looking at his friend in concern. Daniel's face was bright red and it looked like steam was about to come out his ears. "Daniel Jackson, try not to think about the pain. Dr. Lee will remove the substance immediately."

"You don't have your symbiote anymore, but I suppose maybe the Tretonin..." Dr. Lee was speculating, clearly fascinated.

"DR. LEE! You will remove it NOW!" Teal'c ordered.

"Right, sorry," Dr. Lee apologized to Daniel, quickly getting the substance off of them. Their hands remained linked, although Daniel's was now a violent shade of pink.

"Daniel Jackson, is the pain gone?"

"Yeah... it's... getting better," Daniel said, glaring at Lee.

"Guess that one doesn't work either," Dr. Lee said. "Umm, maybe you should go let Dr. Fraiser look at that."

"This sucks," Daniel muttered as he and Teal'c headed back to the infirmary.

"I concur."

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

The notebook and pencil bought Sam thirty blissful minutes of uninterrupted work, until her CO suddenly hurled the pencil across the room, where it bounced off a file cabinet and rolled off into a corner somewhere. "That's just frustrating."

_Join the club_, she felt like saying.

He crumpled up the paper he'd been scribbling on and lobbed it at the rubbish bin, cheering for himself when he made it. He eagerly ripped off another page and started crumpling it. The throwing action was jostling her around a lot, making it very hard to concentrate on what she was supposed to be doing. "Hey, I can't write with my left hand but I still rule at basketball!"

She sighed and waited for him to get bored with that game, or run out of paper, whichever came first.

He ran out of paper first. He took to tapping out a beat of some sort against the table, then against his own leg, then against hers. When it became apparent that ignoring him would not make him stop, she finally said, "Why don't you read a book, sir?"

"Can't," he said simply.

She set down her pen and said, "All right, I know you like to pretend you're not as smart as you are, but I think we all know you can read."

"And we all know I'm an old man, Carter. I gotta hold a book out kind of far and, well, you're in the way. Unless you want to hold it in your lap for me," he couldn't help but add. Hey, she was the one who brought it up.

"Somehow I don't think General Hammond would be very pleased with that arrangement, sir," she said, ducking her head on the pretense of checking the row of numbers she'd just jotted down.

"Yeah, but what Hammond doesn't know won't hurt him..."

_Oh dear, _Sam thought. She'd done it now. The flirting tone in his voice told her he'd found the quickest way to distract her.

"I wouldn't be too sure about that, Jack," a third voice said out of nowhere.

"Daniel!" Sam exclaimed. She hadn't been so glad to hear his voice in a long time. He and Teal'c came in, their joint hands wrapped in an ice pack. "What happened to you?"

"Daniel Jackson had a negative reaction to one of the substances Dr. Lee applied to our hands," Teal'c told them.

"Janet said the ice should make the burning stop soon," Daniel added, looking rather forlorn. Sam felt sorry for him.

"Poor guys."

"Hey, guess what else she said though? Cassie sent us a bunch of movies and stuff to keep us entertained tonight, since we'll probably want to stay in our room and all."

"Sweet," Jack said. "Hey, for once you actually do have good timing, Danny boy. I was about two minutes away from dragging Carter out of here, but since you're here... want to go fetch my cards?"

"I don't know, Jack..."

"Daniel, please – he's driving me crazy."

Daniel's eyes widened. For Sam to say something that close to insubordination, it had to be true. He nodded. Teal'c agreed apparently – he was already dragging them towards the door.

"And my tennis ball too!" Jack called after them.

"You are not bouncing a tennis ball in my lab," Sam said firmly, then remembered belatedly to add, "Sir," so that it sounded slightly less like a reprimand.

"So, driving you crazy, huh, Carter?" he asked as soon as they were alone. "In a good way or a bad way?"

"Take a wild guess. Sir."

She hoped he didn't notice that she was suddenly examining data she'd already compiled with unnecessary attention.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

"Why do we have to go to the briefing?" Daniel asked.

"So I don't have to repeat everything we cover to you later," Janet said firmly.

"But..." Sam started.

"Look... everyone that's going to be there is working on finding a way to get you guys _out _of those ridiculous positions. So they _know _what happened already. You're going to have to stop skulking about the halls eventually, you know. And Hammond wants you there anyway. Now come on."

Janet grabbed Daniel's only free arm and marched off. The rest of SG-1 followed reluctantly, although once they were underway, Jack said quietly, "At least those chairs are comfortable."

As soon as he said it, Sam felt like the biggest jerk on the planet. She was so used to the stools in her lab she never gave it a second thought, but... perching against one of those all day, with her weight on top of his own... no wonder the Colonel had been so cranky all day!

Now that it occurred to her, she was actually surprised he hadn't said anything about it. Or done anything about it. The tables in her lab were too high for normal chairs, but surely they could think of something for tomorrow...

"Carter? Where the hell are you trying to _go?_" he interrupted her musings by asking. She looked around and realized she was steering them towards the wrong corridor.

"Sorry," she replied hastily. They hurried to catch up to Teal'c, Daniel, and Janet, which probably looked rather funny – like penguins scurrying about on a glacier.

"I bet we look like a penguin," her CO commented idly.

She laughed and exclaimed, "I was just thinking the exact same thing!"

"Maybe this alien glue is going to our brains," he suggested as they reached the briefing room.

It was even more crowded than she had guessed it would be, since all the scientists working on their problem were there. Felger waved at them nervously, a goofy smile on his face. She waved back tentatively. Jack grabbed her hand quickly and lowered it. "Don't encourage him, Carter," he growled in her ear, scowling around the room.

Luckily, most of the people there were scientists – there were very few enlisted men and women present, just the guards and a couple of Lieutenants from one of the off-world long-term research teams. Therefore, they were all sufficiently scared/in awe of SG-1 that they kept their gawking and laughing to an almost-respectable minimum. At least in front of them.

Hammond entered and ordered everyone to sit. Daniel and Teal'c sat down unceremoniously, but Jack let out such a happy sigh as he sank into his chair that Hammond and several other people looked at him in surprise.

"You sound like you just plopped down in your Lazy-boy with a beer to watch 'The Simpsons,'" Sam whispered out of the corner of her mouth when he shifted around to get perfectly comfortable and asked, "What?"

"Ooh, good idea, Carter," he whispered back.

Hammond was still looking at them.

"Sorry, sir, we're um... all here and ready, I think," Jack said.

As people started updating each other on what they'd learned, Sam opened the SGC notebook that was waiting for her on the table and started taking notes, pulling it down into her lap to write because her CO (aka human-chair) was so relaxed in the chair that she couldn't reach the table comfortably.

The meeting was long. Some of it was boring even to _her. _She felt a new rush of pity for Jack, especially considering the boring and (she know realized) uncomfortable day he'd spent in her lab. So, she didn't say anything when he kept shifting around, alternately stretching out his legs to make his knees feel a little better.

Janet, who was next to them, apparently wasn't as concerned. She leaned over and hissed, "Would you two be still?"

"Sorry," they chorused.

Felger got up and started babbling about something really boring that, to Sam, seemed completely useless. She put down the pen and looked down in surprise when Jack quickly snatched it up. He slid the notebook in her lap a little bit to the side so he could reach it better, and she started to move her hand off of it so he could write on it, but he stopped her, pressing her palm flat against it and nudging her fingers apart.

She watched in amusement as he traced her hand on the paper, glancing around to see if anybody else was paying them any attention. It didn't seem like they were being watched. Even Janet appeared to be actually listening to Felger.

When he finished tracing her hand, he nudged it aside and started making it into a turkey. She had to bite her lip to keep from laughing when he added a crooked bow-tie to the drawing, and gave it hair like Felger's. When he added legs with really knobby knees and the saddle shoes Felger always wore, she nearly burst out laughing. A funny sound, sort of an, "Ip!" escaped, despite her best efforts.

She clamped a hand over her mouth as Hammond and several other people glared at them. She was certain that behind her, her CO had what she privately referred to as 'Smug-bastard Smirk #1' firmly in place.

"Sorry, sir," she apologized quietly to Hammond, who swivelled back to face Felger after giving them a 'this is your last warning' look.

The turkey-drawing trouble-maker tapped 'sorry' in Morse code on her leg and she sighed, glanced around, and casually picked up the pen again.

Since he only had his left-hand free, his doodling abilities were pretty much limited to hand-turkeys. If he got really creative he might figure out how to flip it over and make a cow. But in the meantime, she decided to take over the doodling.

Her artistic abilities were only marginally better than her cooking abilities, but she doodled two stick figures holding hands, gave one of them Daniel's boonie and glasses, made the other one really tall and frowning with an Apophis symbol on his forehead and a staff-weapon in his free-hand, and showed it to him.

She could feel him shaking with silent laughter and he tugged the pen from her hand and added some scenery, until their Daniel and Teal'c were standing on top of a big rainbow with something she assumed was supposed to be the Emerald City in the background.

She added a bunny and a unicorn near the base of the rainbow and he wrote, "Why'd you draw a donkey?"

"It's a unicorn!" she wrote back indignantly. He snickered and must have been looking in Daniel's direction because both he and Teal'c looked at them suspiciously. Sam clutched the notebook to her chest so they couldn't see the picture, and wondered what the hell had gotten into her. Maybe the Colonel had a point about the sap going to their brains... she realized he was tapping something on her leg again and wrote, 'Start over.'

'_Do the Doc.' _What the hell... She wrote a big question mark on the paper and underlined it three times. He must have realized the weirdness of the request because he pointed at the pictures of Daniel and Teal'c, hard, until she got that he wanted her to draw Janet too.

She tried to think of how to make Janet into a caricature and ignored the fact that his next coded transmission was _'Dirty mind, Carter.' _She remembered him calling Janet 'Napoleonic,' so she made her cartoon-Janet extra-short and standing like Napoleon, one hand in her lab coat. Instead of a sword, she made sure to give her a 'big honkin' needle,' even going so far as to give it little sound words like the old Batman show, so that it looked like the needle was actually saying, 'honk! honk!'

She could feel Jack snickering into the back of her neck, trying to be quiet, and was a lot more happy about the fact that she'd just made him laugh during a meeting than she should have been.

Janet jerked the pen from her hand suddenly and they both sobered up. She'd obviously seen the picture. She scribbled something on her own pad and angled it towards them – _Big honkin' needles await you BOTH, quit flirting and pay attention!_ – was written in big block letters.

She felt Jack shift uncomfortably again, no doubt imagining those big honkin' needles... the really big ones could only go in one place... Sam swallowed and mouthed, 'Sorry' to Janet, who scowled once more and got up to make her part of the report, taking their only pen with her.

"Evil little woman," Jack muttered so that only Sam could hear.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Jack wasn't particularly surprised when he and Sam were asked to stay behind after the briefing was (finally) over. He honestly didn't really feel bad about it either – he knew Hammond well enough to know that George was willing to cut them all kinds of slack while they were stuck like this. And he turned out to be right.

Despite the efforts of several people (mainly Daniel, who started the chorus of 'Ummmmm's as everyone else filed out of the room) to make them feel like naughty children in trouble with the principal, as soon as they were alone, Hammond looked at them both carefully for several moments and shook his head with a 'what am I gonna do with you two' kind of expression on his face.

Jack could tell Carter was about to start apologizing and squeezed her shoulder to get her not to.

"Just... be careful," Hammond finally said, waving them away.

"Yes, sir," they both said.

They penguin-walked (that was Jack's new term for when they tried to walk quickly) out of the room and as soon as they were out of earshot, Carter said, "I thought he was going to be mad."

"Nah. He's really just a big ole teddy bear. Ready to eat?"

"Yes, sir!"

"Good, I'm thinking long, messy strings of spaghetti with extra sauce..." he teased as they got on the elevator.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

After they ate their dinner, Janet had a TV cart wheeled in with a DVD player and flat-out ordered Sam to stay out of her lab for the rest of the night. She promised to come check on them once more before she went home for the evening, and left them arguing over which movie to watch.

Teal'c and Sam both wanted to watch 'Star Trek,' so Daniel agreed to it as well. Jack was trying to get them to watch 'The Simpsons' instead, but nobody else wanted to. He finally lost, and Daniel put the original 'Star Trek' movie in.

"Have you ever even seen this, Jack?" Daniel asked as he and Teal'c sat down on the smaller of the two already-small sofas in the room.

"Yeah... well, the first twenty minutes or so," Jack answered.

Daniel had seen the movie a few times already, twice with Teal'c actually, so he wasn't too bothered with keeping up with the plot. It was much more fun to watch Jack and Sam. Since shortly after they'd all joined SG-1, he had noticed that they did a lot of mostly-silent communicating. But that usually required eye-contact. Now, since they couldn't really look each other fully in the face, they were having a lot of private, almost-whispered conversations that Daniel got a kick out of watching just because they looked so... coupley while they did it. Yup, coupley. He was going to send it in to the _OED _people with a picture of Jack and Sam as a definition. Okay, maybe not. But he could.

Anyway, it was after one of these conversations that they stretched out on their sides on the other couch. Daniel caught Jack's grimace as they tried to get comfortable, and wondered how his knees and back were holding up during all of this. Sam wasn't heavy or anything, but she was really tall... and Daniel knew Jack hated the stools in Sam's lab more than he himself did.

Janet came back halfway through the movie and surveyed all of them, smiling discreetly. Daniel caught her eye and she nodded slightly at the couch where Jack and Sam were. "If I didn't know better I'd think I was interrupting a double date," she commented.

Daniel and Teal'c looked at each other, Teal'c looking unperturbed as usual even though Daniel was giving him his best yuck-face.

"Anybody need anything before I go home?" Janet asked, and Daniel would have bet she was trying to find a subtle way to see if Jack wanted to be knocked out for the night again.

They all told her they were fine, and she said goodnight. After the first movie was over, it still wasn't very late, and Daniel wasn't surprised when Teal'c got up and wordlessly put in the next movie in the series, stretching their arms out far so that Daniel didn't have to get up too.

He_ was_ surprised, however, when Jack and Sam whispered for a few moments and rolled rather ungracefully off the couch as they got to their feet. "We're going to watch 'The Simpsons' in my quarters," Jack said as Sam rummaged through the DVDs Cassie had sent them and found one of the boxed sets. "Have fun with your Vulcans and whatever," he added as they left.

Daniel looked at Teal'c, who looked surprised too. Well, surprised if you knew the guy. "Are they allowed to do that?" Daniel asked rhetorically.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

"Are you sure we're allowed to do this?" Carter asked after they had borrowed ('not stolen, borrowed') a second TV cart and managed to get it into his tiny quarters.

"Hammond didn't order us all to stay together or anything. Besides, I deserve a medal for being quiet during the first movie. I can't watch two 'Star Treks' in one night if Hammond wants Daniel and Teal'c to remain unharmed." Jack answered reasonably, adding, "Besides, you didn't want to watch it either."

"True," she admitted, yawning as he selected a DVD and handed it to her.

"You're not going to fall asleep, are you?" he asked. They probably should go back to Daniel and Teal'c to sleep...

"No, I'm not that tired, sir," Carter said as they stretched out on his narrow bed, like they had been on the couch. It was exactly the same, but he couldn't help but think it was even weirder now that they were alone. And it _was _his bed.

_Maybe this was a bad idea, _he thought belatedly. Carter had already started the DVD though, he couldn't exactly back out now.

"Carter?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't fall asleep, okay?"

"I won't," she said.

She had sounded fairly confident at the time, but it occurred to Jack during the second episode they were watching that he was the only one laughing. He craned his neck awkwardly and sighed when he realized Carter was sound asleep.

Well, okay, she could just doze until 'Star Trek' would be over and then he'd wake her up and they could go back to the VIP room with the Bobbsey Twins. He didn't want to be creepy or anything, but he always got a kick out of seeing her asleep – maybe because it was such a rarity. He'd seen her go nearly three days on nothing but coffee, and heard rumors she'd gone even longer a time or two, but he'd quickly noticed off-world that when she _did _sleep, she certainly seemed to make the most of it.

She always crashed and remained so dead to the world until someone woke her up for her watch that she was the only one of them who could sleep six inches away from Daniel while he snored loud enough to scare everything on the planet away. As long as she was asleep before his racket actually started, she could sleep right through it without budging. Jack had always found it kind of funny: she even _slept _with single-minded focus. She drooled too, but he and Daniel had never been brave enough to bring that up while she was awake yet.

She shivered and tried to scrunch closer to him for warmth, but there wasn't a whole lot of 'closer' available. He nudged the blanket down by their feet up until he could reach it and tried to cover her with it, but there wasn't a way to cover her well without covering himself. He hoped cuddling under a blanket with a warm, sleeping Carter in his arms, in his bed while watching 'The Simpsons' wouldn't lull him to sleep too, then barely had time to laugh at his own naivety before he nodded off as well.

The next thing he knew, the theme music was playing, infiltrating his oh-so-nice dream. All the episodes on that DVD were over, and he vaguely remembered he was supposed to do something when that happened... but he couldn't remember what. He nuzzled into Carter's neck, knowing in his mostly-asleep state that they weren't really supposed to be sleeping together but for some reason it was okay right now... and maybe since she was hugging one of his arms she wouldn't mind if he kissed her just a little bit, since his lips were already right there on her neck anyway, but not too much or she might wake up, or he might wake up and realize this wasn't even really happening...

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

In the morning, Janet let herself into the VIP quarters after receiving no answer to her knocking. It was early, but surely they hadn't all gone to the commissary... not after Daniel and Teal'c's experience there yesterday. And people were still talking about the Colonel and Sam's little performance during the briefing...

She looked around the room in surprise. One of the beds was full, and she suddenly wished for a camera. Teal'c and Daniel were both still asleep, backs pressed together, Daniel curled up in a semi-fetal position. Janet was surprised Teal'c was still asleep – he usually only slept about four or five hours a night. She wondered how late they stayed up watching movies... then her eyes strayed to the very un-slept-in bed next to theirs and she realized she'd lost two of her charges.

She sighed and said, "Daniel, Teal'c, wake up."

Teal'c woke up instantly. Must be a Jaffa thing. He sat up and looked at her calmly. "Good morning, Dr. Fraiser. I apologize for oversleeping."

"It's fine, Teal'c, don't worry about it. Where are Colonel O'Neill and Sam?"

Teal'c looked over to the empty bed and said, "I do not know. They did not rejoin us last night."

"Where'd they go?"

"To O'Neill's room."

"Oh brother," Janet said. "Daniel! Get up!"

Daniel mumbled something in another language and started reaching blindly for his glasses. He sat up, put them on, and looked around, clearly surprised that Teal'c and Janet were looking at him expectantly.

"Wassgoin'on guys?" he asked. He looked around and answered his own question. "Where are Jack and Sam?"

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv


	6. Helping Hands

A/N: Thanks all, you continue to make me feel all glowy inside (not in the evil Goa'uld way though, so that's good). Here we have the long-awaited, obligatory shower scene for everyone who's been waiting for it - of course I had to make it more silly than steamy...

Ch 6: Helping Hands

Daniel and Teal'c followed a very irked Dr. Fraiser to Jack's quarters. Daniel thought she was overreacting a little bit... they'd probably just fallen asleep watching television. There was no need for all three of them to barge in there before Daniel even got a chance to go to the bathroom or have some coffee... but when Janet was like this it was best to be on her side.

They filed into the small room and Daniel had to restrain himself from laughing out loud. Jack was sleeping exactly as they'd found him when Loki dropped him back in his bedroom... on his stomach, ass in the air. Then Daniel remembered Sam was under there too, although you couldn't really see her at the moment, so she was probably being thoroughly squashed, and he said quickly, "Hey, Jack, wake up!"

"Colonel!" Janet said firmly, rolling the TV cart out of the way and moving to the side of the bed.

"O'Neill," Teal'c said quietly, and, as always, something in Teal'c's voice woke him up.

He lifted his head and croaked, "Teal'c?"

"O'Neill, you appear to be damaging Major Carter," Teal'c reprimanded.

"Wha... huh?"

He tried to sit up but couldn't get enough leverage to bring them both to a sitting position, so he rolled onto his back. The movement woke up Sam and she jerked like she was afraid she was falling. Daniel had to laugh as they both looked similarly bewildered for several moments. He imagined how many things they were probably trying to figure out: why they were sleeping together, why they were stuck together, why everyone was looking at them like that, and why Janet looked so unhappy. Daniel watched all of these things slowly click into place and was surprised when Jack got there before Sam – she was always a slow waker.

"Want to tell me who gave you permission to leave the VIP room?" Janet asked once they looked coherent enough to answer.

"You never said we _couldn't,_" Sam pointed out, but Daniel could tell she was embarrassed.

"All right, well... now that everyone's awake I want you all back in the VIP room in ten minutes, is that clear?"

Jack and Sam both nodded, and Daniel lost the battle he was having with himself and burst out laughing. "What?" Jack growled at him.

"Sorry... you guys just look like you're having a bed-head competition or something."

"Yeah, like yours is so much better," Jack retorted, running a hand through his hair that only made it stick out even more.

"Ten minutes," Janet repeated, nudging Daniel towards the door.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Janet took in the sight of her two hard-to-keep-track-of patients as they shuffled into the VIP room, still looking half-asleep. Daniel had made a good point earlier – if you tried to go by their hair, both of them looked like they had been mildly electrocuted. Sam had a pillow line on her right cheek too, and Janet was surprised Hammond hadn't told the Colonel to shave yesterday – today his stubble was even worse. They were both very wrinkled from sleeping in their clothes, but the Colonel's back and knees didn't seem to be bothering him, so that was good.

"Coffee," Sam said by way of a greeting.

They plopped into their chair as Janet brought them mugs and Daniel reluctantly relinquished his grip on the carafe to Sam.

"Rough night?" Daniel asked with just a hint of a suggestive tone, but with the carefully innocent look that would let him get away with it.

They shot him eerily similar looks and didn't bother to answer. Janet checked Daniel and Teal'c's vitals while they waited for breakfast to arrive, and finally said, "Okay, your first assignment after breakfast is to shower. _All_ of you."

They all looked surprised, but she held up her hand firmly. "I know you don't want to while you're stuck like that but it's either that or I'm tying air fresheners around all of your necks. Now, after that, Daniel and Teal'c will spend the day with me in the lab, and Jack and Sam, you can work out of Sam's lab, _but _only until five o'clock and you take a fifteen minute break _every _hour and a half."

She fully expected Sam to object to the limited schedule, and she did in fact open her mouth to object but then she stopped and nodded, surprising Janet by saying, "Fine."

Janet gave Jack and Sam an especially smug smile and said, "I'll have your breakfast waiting for you. Before you do any of that, General Hammond would like to see you."

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Daniel and Teal'c went with Jack and Sam even though they hadn't been ordered. Daniel felt like he and Teal'c might be needed to corroborate their story that nothing untoward had been taking place when Jack and Sam had gone off by themselves last night... even Daniel had to admit that the circumstantial evidence against them looked bad. Daniel also knew that Hammond was on their side - he needed to address what had happened but really wanted to let them convince him that there was absolutely nothing going on between Jack and Sam. He was right - Jack and Sam stood patiently through Hammond railing at them for a few minutes about how they insisted on making things much more difficult and complicated than they had to be, yadda yadda yadda... Then he finished, and it was over. He waved them away, remembering something at the last minute.

"Oh, people?"

All four members of SG-1 stopped in the doorway to his office and turned back to him.

"If Fraiser hasn't made it an order already, I'll be glad to do it. Go shower. Please."

They all mumbled their assent and left, discreetly trying to smell themselves.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

The Doc finally caught onto the fact that they were all stalling with their breakfast. Teal'c and Jack just about broke their record for pancake eating, and Daniel and Carter put a serious dent in Colorado's coffee supply. Eventually, Fraiser figured out what they were up to and cleared away the table, put her hands on her hips, and firmly ordered, "Showers. Now."

She marched them down to the locker room and kicked out a very amused-looking SG9, who left with choruses of, "Don't forget to wash behind each other's ears," and "Share your rubber duckies now."

Janet made sure they all had everything they needed and then left them alone, but they knew she'd find out about it if they tried to get around it. Daniel and Teal'c went down to the farthest stall, not wanting to look each other in the eyes. "Hey, at least we're not them, right?" Daniel finally muttered as they started taking off their clothes.

"Indeed. The easiest way to accomplish this task would be to take turns, Daniel Jackson. You may go first."

"Um, thanks."

"I will render assistance where necessary."

"Right," Daniel said uncomfortably as he switched on the water.

At that point, Jack couldn't hear them anymore, and finally had to deal with his own situation. "Since we have to leave our shirts on let's leave our underwear on too, sir," Carter suggested logically.

"Fine. But could you stop calling me 'sir' for cryin out loud? I mean, I agree you probably should when we're around other people but in situations like this it's just _weird._"

"I'll try to remember."

"Good. I don't like Teal'c and Danny's strategy though, I think we should both, you know, just try to take care of ourselves at the same time."

"Okay."

They stepped into their stall and Carter flipped on the water, spraying him directly in the face. He spluttered and yelled, "Carter!"

"Sorry," she apologized, tilting the shower head a bit.

"You guys okay?" Daniel called loudly from the other end of the room.

"Yes!" Carter called back.

Jack had no trouble running his manly-smelling bar of soap all over himself with one arm, and tried to get as much into his shirt as he could as well, hoping to sort of wash that as he wore it. Since Carter had two free hands, she seemed to be doing all right on her own too, although Jack tried very hard not to pay attention to what she was doing.

Things were going better than he had expected until she bent over unexpectedly, bringing him hunched over her from behind. He was so surprised that he dropped his soap and it went skittering off down the row of stalls.

"Jesus, Carter!"

"Sorry," she apologized again. "I kind of forgot..."

"That I was there? That's what every man wants to hear when he's showering with a woman."

"Colonel."

"Sorry."

"O'Neill, we have found your soap!" Teal'c called.

"Slide it back down here, big guy!" Jack called back.

"Eww, Jack could you please not call Teal'c 'big guy' when we're all naked?" Daniel requested.

"We're NOT naked!" Jack and Sam both yelled.

"I am returning your soap now," Teal'c warned, a split second before it shot at their legs.

Taken by surprise, Carter tried to jump out of its way – it _was _coming at them kind of fast. Jumping while attached to someone else who wasn't jumping, while in the shower, proved not to be her smartest moment. They ended up crashing loudly and painfully to the floor, their unstuck halves tangled up nicely.

"Ewww, this is so disgusting. Get up, quick, sir!" Carter yelped, trying a push-up maneuver to get herself off the nasty locker-room shower floor.

"I'm trying!"

"Do you know how many germs are probably on this floor?"

"Yeah we're going to get dirtier from our shower than we already were. I'm working on it, Major..." Knees creaking, he managed to get to his feet, dragging her with him. "Sorry, I keep on squashing you today," he apologized. "Where the hell did the soap go?"

"Do you really want to _use _that soap after it's been all over the floor in here?" she asked reasonably as they looked around for it. In their fall, it had disappeared, probably off in the opposite direction from Daniel and Teal'c, or something.

"I guess not," Jack conceded, although he didn't really get that. Soap was soap – wasn't it always clean?

"Is everyone okay over there?" Daniel called hesitantly.

"Yes!" they called back impatiently.

"Sorry... geez, you try to care," Daniel said, ostensibly to Teal'c, but loudly enough that Jack could still hear him.

"I need that soap though - I wasn't done and now I need to redo all the parts I already _did _after touching that gross floor."

"Hang on, I'm almost done and you can use mine," Carter offered.

Jack looked at the pink poofy sponge thing she was using and the gooey pink stuff in the bottle next to her and said, "I'll smell like a girl!"

"You're already in close enough proximity to it in the shower I doubt it'll make that much of a difference," she said, sounding unconcerned. "But suit yourself."

"Fine, I'll use it. But don't tell anybody."

"Believe me, I'm not going to be telling anybody about this lovely experience," she responded, handing him the soapy pink thing.

He took it, eyed it skeptically for a few moments, and sighed. This should have been so much fun, under different circumstances...

"Aren't you guys done yet?" Daniel asked, poking his head through their curtain.

"Daniel!" Carter objected, trying to cover her chest from him. Jack had to laugh, because in addition to the tee-shirt, his own arm was already across it anyway.

"What? You're practically fully dressed, Sam..." Daniel turned his attention to Jack and smirked, "Nice... poof."

"It's not mine, smart-ass," Jack said. He wanted to drop it but doubted Carter would be too happy with him if he did. "Get the hell out of here, Daniel, you don't have to wait for us."

"I don't know, Teal'c, do you think we can trust them alone in the shower together? Last time they went off alone together we had to form a search party..."

Daniel got the poof in his face for that remark. He caught it and threw it back to Carter.

"Daniel Jackson, leave them alone, my towel is slipping and I wish to get dressed," Teal'c's disembodied voice said from nearby.

Daniel shot them another smirk and disappeared. "I'm going to get him for this," Jack muttered. "What do I do with this poof thing?"

"Here, switch places with me and I'll rinse it out. I need to get all this soap out of my shirt anyway."

Jack made the mistake of glancing down at her when she was under the shower spray, and he wasn't sure whether it was the fact that he didn't have anything else to keep himself busy, or knowing that Daniel and Teal'c were gone, but he suddenly became much less aware of all the strange circumstances surrounding them and much more aware of the simple fact that they were showering together.

"Um, Colonel? Still there?"

"What? Yeah. What?" _Very smooth, O'Neill, _he told himself.

"I need to get my shampoo..."

"Oh, right." He helped her balance while she got it, and said, "I guess I need help getting mine open."

"Where is it?"

"Over there..."

"Just use mine, it's already open and right here. Give me your hand."

Ignoring the fact that his 2IC was suddenly bossing him around, he snaked his free arm under hers and held out his hand obediently. She squeezed about three times as much shampoo as he normally used into his hand and he peered at it curiously, resting his chin on her shoulder so he could see his own hand. "It's... purple," he finally said.

She was squirming a lot, and said, "You're tickling me – when was the last time you shaved?"

"That would be the morning before we left for that lovely planet of alien super-glue," he answered.

"Oh."

He stood up straight again and started shampooing his hair awkwardly with one hand, leaning back out of the way as much as he could while Carter attacked her own hair.

Rinsing that much shampoo out of his hair, while she tried to rinse hers too, was not easy. They both had their eyes closed so it was hard to stay balanced and relatively out of each other's way. They ended up with a lot of shampoo in their eyes, although Jack had to admit it did smell pretty nice, even if it _was _purple. Jack finally finished and stepped out of the spray, reaching back and adjusting the shower head so it was just hitting her.

"Thanks," she called.

"Yeah... you've got some more back here..." He ran his hand through the back of her hair to try to help her get the suds out. She didn't object, so he kept doing it. _Just being neighborly, _he thought, rolling his eyes and trying to help her get the suds out of her tee-shirt.

Several minutes later, it occurred to him that she was squeaky clean and he was still touching her hair. "Um, Colonel," she prompted, which he assumed was the politest way possible of telling him to cut it out.

"Right. Umm, I'm just going to turn the cold water on now..." he said casually, reaching behind him for the proper knob.

"Yeah, good idea," she agreed.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Sam's teeth were chattering by the time they got out of the shower. She was glad though, because it kept them occupied with getting as dry as possible as quickly as possible, and they could pretend like the weird and awkward thing in the shower never happened. They made their way over to the bench where their fresh underwear and pants were and she stopped, looking down at the folded piles of clothes and trying to figure out the best way to do this.

"You go first, then I'll go," Jack ordered.

"Kay..." She was glad she had two hands – it was difficult, but she managed to hold a towel around her waist with one hand and wriggle out of her wet underwear with the other.

Getting the dry pair up was a bit trickier but she finally managed, then grabbed a new completely dry towel and wrapped it around her waist as well to catch some of the moisture from her tee-shirt. They had already wrung their shirts out but they were still really wet.

"Okay, go ahead," she finally said, then spent the next five minutes pretending her CO was not wriggling into fresh boxers a few inches behind her.

As they struggled into their fresh sweatpants (all four of them were wearing sweatpants for the elastic waistbands, and flip-flops as well, which made one-handed dressing much easier), he said casually, "You know, Carter, you're like a guy."

"Excuse me?" she spluttered. So _not _something you wanted to hear from someone you just took a shower with. And anyway, after two days she had ample proof that despite what the Colonel might say when General Hammond asked, he definitely did not see her as one of the guys.

"No, I mean... I meant to say it this morning after we went to the bathroom..."

"What?"

"Okay, that came out wrong too. What I'm _talking _about is that you don't have to go to the bathroom a million times a day like a lot of women... Sarah used to make me pull over like every hour when we drove to the cabin... I meant it in a good way, really."

"Oh. Well... thanks then. I guess it comes from so much time in the field." She was still a little flustered, so she decided to be a bit mean. "You're like a woman too, Colonel," she added in a sugary tone.

"WHAT?"

"Well... you smell like one right now anyway," she said, reaching up and patting him on the cheek.

"Ha ha Carter. Can we move onto Phase 2 now, please?"

"Yeah, let's go get the hair dryer."

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

By the time they had their shirts mostly dry from the hair dryer, it seemed like half the morning was gone. Sam was getting really antsy to get to work, and after catching the way-too-fascinated look on Jack's face in the mirror while she tried to put on make-up with him watching and asking, 'What's that for?' every two seconds, she was very tempted to 'forget' that she'd meant to do something about the uncomfortable stools in her lab.

Unfortunately, she couldn't bring herself to be that mean to him. She had thought about the problem a lot during breakfast. The workbenches were way too tall for conventional chairs, but there wasn't enough surface space on the regular desks for her to work efficiently. That left one obvious solution.

"Where are we going?" Jack asked as they headed down a corridor.

"To find Siler. I bet he's in here," Sam answered, going into the MALP room.

"And... why do we need Siler?" he asked.

"You'll see... Siler!"

He popped his head up from between two partially disassembled MALPs and said, "Yes, Major... oh, hi Colonel."

"Mornin,' Sparky."

"I need you to come with us to my lab... and bring two assistants... and torches."

Several of the other technicians looked surprised and mildly scared, but Siler tended to take anything she told him to do like it was completely normal. "Yes, ma'am, I'll be right there."

"Carter, what the hell are you _doing?_" Jack asked again when they were on their way back to her lab.

"Fixing a problem," she said matter-of-factly.

She eye-balled the difference between her lab table and her little desk that was in the corner and nodded resolutely. When Siler and his team arrived, she said briskly. "Okay. Take everything off of my workbench, flip it over, and cut fifteen inches off all the legs. Try to make them as even as possible, please."

Siler looked at her evenly for a few seconds before she saw his gaze shift to the Colonel's face. She felt her CO shrug, and Siler said, "Yes, ma'am. Come on, guys... be careful with that microscope."

Jack and Sam shuffled back into a corner so they weren't in danger when they started cutting the aluminum table with the torches. Halfway through the procedure, Jack must have figured out why she was having them do this because he squeezed her shoulder and said, "Thank you" directly into her ear.

She was fairly certain he didn't notice the shiver it caused – if he did he didn't mention it.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

"Where are Jack and Sam?" Daniel asked impatiently as they waited for them in the VIP quarters. "Our food's getting cold."

Janet brought them a fresh pitcher of water and caught the tail-end of the question, saying, "They're eating in her lab while Sam works."

"Jack agreed to that?" Daniel asked, shocked.

"Yes, he did. She wasn't able to work most of the morning, so..."

"Most surprising," Teal'c commented, peeling a banana with his teeth so he didn't have to ask anyone for help.

After lunch, Daniel said, "Teal'c, let's go see Jack and Sam. I want to see this for myself."

"As you wish, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c agreed. They strolled down to Sam's lab quickly, Teal'c still eating a cookie from lunch.

Sam's lab door was one of those heavy electronic sliding ones, so it was almost always open, especially if she was in there. They entered the lab and Daniel said, "Whoa." He felt like a giant – everything was a lot lower than it usually was. He spotted Jack and Sam easily enough, sitting in the chair that was usually at her desk. Jack looked a lot more comfortable than he had done yesterday.

Jack was also concentrating so hard on the laptop in front of him (actually, almost to the side of him, so that he and Sam could both look at separate monitors at the same time) that he hadn't even noticed Daniel and Teal'c's presence yet.

Daniel looked at them both curiously. A plate of crumbs was a foot away from Jack, whose eyes were glued to whatever he was doing on the computer. From the little noises the laptop was producing, Daniel guessed he was playing computer chess. Sam's attention was divided between the microscope in front of her and the laptop on their far right.

Finally, Daniel said, "Well, I guess couples that spend a lot of time together _do _start to look alike."

Jack and Sam finally looked up from their various tasks, both startled to see the rest of their team standing there.

"Indeed," Teal'c agreed.


	7. Closer

A/N: So, this is the part of the story where the sap factor is extremely high... and not the kind of sap that got them all stuck together in the first place, either.

The end's a bit cruel, I know, but I'll have the next bit done as fast as possible.

Ch 7: Closer

Between the increased comfort level of Carter's lab and the strictly-enforced work schedule Fraiser was really being a Nazi about, Jack and Sam actually made it through two days of working without trying to kill each other. Everyone was suitably impressed and surprised with this feat.

The VIP quarters had quickly starting being referred to as 'SG-1's room,' and so far Daniel and Teal'c had not cottoned on to the fact that most people were humming the theme song from 'The Odd Couple' whenever they passed them in the halls. True, Teal'c probably didn't _know _that song, and Daniel hardly ever watched anything besides The History Channel... but still.

After so many days of living in a fish bowl though, all four of them were getting very tired of it. When Janet brought them their dinner (she was trying to have food brought to them from nearby restaurants as much as possible to keep them somewhat happy,) all four of them started campaigning with her.

"Come on, Doc, we can all go to my house... somebody can drop us off there and pick us up in the morning..."

"And what if someone stops by?" Janet asked. "Who's going to answer the door? You and Sam or Daniel and Teal'c?"

"Who's going to 'stop by' the Colonel's house?" Sam asked.

"Well... since any groceries he _might _have had are undoubtedly spoiled now, I know you'd give in and order food..."

"You and Cassie could come over too and handle any door-answering that might arise," Jack bargained.

Janet sighed and finally said, "I'll think about it. If you're still like this by the weekend... maybe."

They contented themselves with her response, for now, and dug into their dinner.

Afterwards, Jack asked if Sam wanted to play a game of chess, which they had begun doing to pass some of the time in the evenings.

"It's not fair," she insisted. "I end up playing against my own strategies because the pieces on my side of the board are yours..."

"I'll play," Daniel offered. "Teal'c and me against you guys."

"Excellent," Jack said.

What began as a friendly team game quickly degenerated into a loud shouting match between all four of them. Tension was already high between them all, and it was bound to happen sooner or later, even if the final straw that broke all their backs was a simple game. Teams for chess, especially when all four players considered themselves master strategists, was not one of the better ideas of all time.

Hammond was finally called by a scared guard to come settle the matter, as Dr. Fraiser had gone home for the evening, and he was shocked to find that the team he had so recently been praising for their mature handling of a difficult situation was shouting at each other and throwing chess pieces and popcorn around.

"STAND DOWN!" he bellowed from the doorway. Everyone froze, even the two un-enlisted members of SG-1. Hammond made them clean up the mess they had made, which turned out to be punishment enough since it was a difficult task considering their stuck positions, especially for Carter and O'Neill. Feeling like he was watching his grandchildren, he stood there with his arms crossed, frowning at all of them.

They never could find one of the bishops. He finally let them stop looking and sent them all to bed early, although he realized on his way back to his office that from the looks that flashed across his two officers' faces they might not have considered that much of a punishment. He sighed deeply and hoped they resolved this situation quickly.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

That night, Sam couldn't sleep. SG-1 had all quickly reconciled, so that wasn't the reason. And Daniel wasn't even snoring quite as loudly as he usually did (they had discovered last night that if Teal'c sort of propped Daniel on his side the sound was almost cut in half). Jack had been awake for a while, but based on his breathing now she was fairly certain he was asleep too.

In her head, she was running through the data she'd collected that day. She knew she was missing something – hell, they all were, that much was obvious, since they weren't much closer to finding a solution than they had been days ago... but she had that feeling now, that she was getting close if she could just make some connection...

"Colonel?" she tried whispering. "Are you awake?"

No response from the gently-snoring lump. She ran her fingers along the arm that was stuck to her until he woke up. "I was sleeping," he mumbled unnecessarily.

"I know... I'm sorry, but... I can't sleep."

"Count naquada reactors or something," he suggested, yawning into her shoulder.

She smiled at the suggestion and said, "I really, really, really need to go check something in my lab. Please?"

He made a growly noise and said, "I could easily point out here that Fraiser said that's a no-no."

"Please?"

"Okay, but when you're done we go get some cake," he said, surprising her. She really thought he'd say no, or it would take a lot more arguing.

"Thank you!"

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Sam had only been working for about half an hour when Jack started snoring softly again. She laughed quietly – the lab wasn't pitch black or anything but it certainly wasn't all that dark. He was sitting up in a chair with another person on top of him, using her shoulder for a pillow, and he was sound asleep. Well, if he was comfortable there... she squeezed his arm briefly and kept working.

Some time later, Jack jerked awake, realizing they were both slumped uncomfortably over the desk. "Not one of your better habits to start spreading," he said as he sat up, pulling his sleeping 2IC with him. He rubbed her arm, surprised at how chilled she was, and said, "Come on, wake up."

"Sorry," she mumbled sleepily as they got to their feet clumsily.

"That's okay, Carter, I'll give you a rain check on the cake, okay," he said lightly as they stumbled back to their room barely awake.

It seemed to Sam like barely any time had passed before Daniel was trying to shake them awake in the morning. She was so tired...

"Make him go away," Jack mumbled.

Sam swatted at Daniel half-heartedly without opening her eyes. "Tell Janet we're sleeping late."

"She's not going to like that," Daniel warned.

"Then she can come try to drag us both out of bed herself," Jack said, kicking half-heartedly at the direction of Daniel's voice.

Daniel got off the edge of their bed and said in a childish voice, "Teal'c, why are mommy and daddy so grumpy in the mornings?"

"Daniel Jackson, when they wake up they will seek retribution," Teal'c warned as they went to meet Janet.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Sam woke up... tingly. It took her a few sleepy moments to figure out why, then she realized it was probably because there was a very interesting combination of scratchy stubble and surprisingly soft lips exploring her neck and the super-sensitive area behind her ear. She suppressed a shiver and cleared her throat. As much as she hated to have to do it... "Colonel? You better be asleep."

The low chuckle directly into her ear told her otherwise. "Sorry, Carter... I was when I _started, _I swear."

"Hmm," she said, just because it seemed like she really should say _something, _although for the life of her she didn't know what she was supposed to say... this type of situation wasn't exactly covered in basic training.

"Feels like you should shave again today," she finally said, reaching back and finding his cheek with her palm, hoping he'd take that to mean she wasn't _mad, _just doing what they had to do.

"I hate that electric thing," he grumbled. He couldn't very well shave with his left hand without needing a transfusion, and he had adamantly refused Fraiser's offer of having one of the nurses do it for him, so he'd borrowed Daniel's hi-tech electric-with-the-lotion thing a couple of times, but he didn't like it much. It tugged, and the lotion smelled funny.

"Besides," he continued suddenly, now sounding fully awake. The playful tone told her she was in trouble. "I'm already out of uniform anyway, who's going to care about a little stubble?"

"You know I meant bec-aaaaaaaaiiiiiiiee..."

The previously-quiet room was suddenly filled with shrieks and giggles as she tried to squirm away from him and he tickled all the skin he could reach with his chin. And here she had hoped to make it through her military career without anybody finding out how ticklish she was... she thought absently as she continued the futile attempt to get away from a man she had practically been welded to for the better part of a week.

"Well, I can see you're both wide awake now," a mildly-amused but mostly-annoyed female voice finally said over all the laughing.

Jack and Sam both froze and craned their necks up awkwardly from where Jack had essentially pinned her to the bed. Sam knew her cheeks were bright pink and she was trying to catch her breath. Janet was right by the side of their bed, looking like she'd just discovered her kids were playing hooky. Behind her, Teal'c was actually smiling, and Daniel's mouth was wide open – he was in trouble if there were any bugs flying around.

"Jan..." Sam offered, still a little giggly but trying to catch her breath. "This isn't what it looks like..."

"Hmm, and what, pretell, is it that you think this looks like, Sam?" Janet asked conversationally.

Well, that sobered Sam right up. She mumbled an apology, quickly seconded by Jack, and promised to report to her lab in less than half an hour, dressed, fed, watered, ready to go.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Later that afternoon, Daniel and Teal'c were working on translating Goa'uld texts brought back from SG-8. It was an excellent assignment for them in their current positions, and they were glad that they were no longer serving non-stop as the SGC's largest guinea pigs, although their work was still frequently interrupted when one of the scientists believed they had a big breakthrough.

This afternoon, however, they were lucky to get in a solid three hours of work before someone came running into Daniel's office with some new solution to put on their hands.

Daniel barely bothered to look up from the text he was reading, merely going along absently as Teal'c held out their joint hands patiently for the little man in the lab coat. It was Felger this time, and had a turkey baster with him, which was a new one. He squirted something on their hands and said they needed to wait two minutes... Daniel nodded absently and went back to work.

"Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said after about a minute and a half, sounding about as alarmed as Teal'c ever sounded. Daniel looked at their hands and groaned. Whatever the guy had put on them had made their hands bright blue.

"Come to my office, I'm sure we can fix this... Chloe said this might happen... please don't hurt me, Teal'c..." Felger said quickly, sounding terrified.

They were so preoccupied with their latest problem that they didn't even bother wondering which team was reporting back when the alarm that signaled an incoming wormhole went off when they were halfway to Felger's lab.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

"Dammit, dammit, dammit, why won't you work?" Carter yelled in exasperation, tossing her pencil down on top of the figures she had been scribbling for the past half hour and flipping her microscope off angrily.

"Hey, come on," Jack tried, setting down the doughnut he had been eating and squeezing her shoulder.

"This isn't working..." There was nothing Carter hated more than not being able to figure something out, and every day that they remained stuck together she was considering her fault, although of course she was the only one. Today she had been optimistic about something or other (Jack couldn't quite remember what), and was now almost to the point of frustrated tears when that turned out to be a dead-end as well.

He rubbed her shoulder and arm, trying to calm her down. "You'll figure it out, Carter, you always do... and this isn't even your speciality anyway. Come on, aren't you supposed to be an astrophysicist? There's a roomful of biologists working on this too and they haven't come up with anything either. Fraiser's stumped, the chemistry guys don't know what the hell is going on... you're being way too hard on yourself."

"I don't understand why we're still stuck together..." she said, and he was fairly sure she _was _crying at this point, just a little bit. He heard the claxons going off and ignored them – in their 'condition' they were no longer required to drop everything and run to see who was knocking at the door. He kept rubbing her arm and let her talk. "The tests show that the substance binds living tissue to other living tissue... that's why nobody got stuck to anything but each other. The bonds it creates are strong enough to go through relatively loose material like cotton... but skin is constantly dying, sloughing off, and being replaced by new skin cells... the ones that were bound by the initial contact should have come off in our sleep days ago... unless it goes much deeper, but then why, why, _why_ hasn't anything foreign shown up in skin samples from other areas of our bodies or bloodwork or..."

"Whoa, how about taking a breath or two," Jack suggested. She nodded and sniffled, quickly wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "Relax, Carter. You always think of something. I'm not too worried about being stuck like this forever... and it could be worse..." He felt her relax against him partially and kept talking. "Now, if I was in Teal'c's position, stuck to _Daniel _for this long, I'd probably be about ready to shoot us both, but it'll be okay... Fraiser's got that conference call with those dermatologist specialist guys tonight, maybe she'll learn something helpful..."

"Maybe," she agreed doubtfully, wiping her eyes again. "I mean I don't think we can be stuck _forever... _no matter how deep the stuff went eventually we'd shed those skin cells..."

"That's a lovely image too, by the way, Carter," he interrupted.

She half-laughed/half-cried and said, "But it's just not possible that there's no way to get this stuff off... it just doesn't make sense..."

"Come on, don't do this to yourself. You're the one who figured out that the distinction the goop makes is between living and nonliving cells in the first place – that should have been one of the first things the biologists noticed..."

"How'd you know that?" she asked, surprised.

"Well, I was kind of _there,_" he reminded her with a nudge.

"I know that, but... I thought you were playing Spider Solitaire..."

"I was listening too. Enough to know that even though some of the other egg-heads _should _know more about this stuff than you, you seem to be the only one making any kind of progress other than pissing off Daniel and Teal'c trying all kinds of lame things on their hands... you're doing a great job, Carter, and everybody knows it..."

"Thank you," she said quietly, squeezing the arm that was stuck to her with both hands.

Jack nodded, and internally gave himself a pat on the back for doing his part to cheer her up a bit. He was about to reach for his doughnut again when a familiar (though recently absent) voice that reeked of self-confidence called, "So, Sam, I hear you've got some kind of problem you need help with?" about a split second before Jacob Carter entered his daughter's lab and stumbled upon what had to be the last thing he expected to find.

Or _wanted _to find, Jack mentally added as he watched the older man's eyes quickly scan the two of them and jump to conclusions the way only an overprotective father can do.


	8. Family Ties

Ch 8: Family Ties

For a few seconds that seemed ridiculously long, nobody moved or said anything. Finally, Jacob said, "What the _hell _is going on in here, young lady?"

Sam bristled at the 'young lady' remark - Jack could feel all of his hard work at getting her marginally relaxed come instantly undone. He wondered how her dad had arrived without anybody coming to get them… or warning Jacob about his daughter's 'condition.'

Sam was partially frozen, understandably a little blind-sided by her dad's sudden appearance after an already emotional day, so Jack answered, "Now, Jake, I'm sure this doesn't look very good, judging by the look on your face nobody gave you any sort of warning about what's been going on here, so let's all just calm down and we'll explain the situ…"

Jacob glared at him and said, "I don't remember asking _you_…"

"Oh, sorry, you said 'young lady,' so…"

Although Carter laughed, Carter Senior ignored the sarcastic response and zeroed in on his daughter again. "Samantha Grace Carter, you'd better have one hell of an explan…"

Daniel and Teal'c ran into the room at that moment, their blue hands swinging wildly between them as they careened to an awkward stop, Daniel much more awkwardly than Teal'c, who never did anything awkwardly. Daniel was out of breath. "Sam, your Dad's…" Daniel began, stopping when he realized he was definitely too late. "Here," he finished weakly.

"What happened to your hands _now?_" Jack demanded, as though he thought they had somehow dyed their hands blue intentionally. He doubted that was the case, but come on, couldn't they stay out of trouble for one day…

"Felger," Teal'c said evenly. Well, that said it all, didn't it?

"What does… why are you two holding hands?" Jacob asked, finally starting to look like he might be realizing he was missing something.

Before Daniel and Teal'c could answer, Jack nudged Sam and randomly asked, "Your middle name's 'Grace?'"

Daniel and Teal'c gave him looks that, while delivered quite differently, both had the same basic meaning: _What's the matter with you, O'Neill? _

Sam absently answered, "Yeah."

"I believe that would be 'yes, sir,' Sam," Jacob corrected irritably.

"Your initials are SGC," Jack said, laughing and ignoring Jacob's remark. She rolled her eyes and started to respond, and Daniel and Teal'c really wanted to ask what the hell was going on, but none of them got a chance to, because the room got even more crowded.

Hammond entered the lab at a brisk pace with Fraiser, and quickly scanned the crowded lab.

"Woo, it's a party now," Jack commented under his breath.

Hammond shot him a slightly exasperated look and said, "Jacob, sorry, I was on the phone with the President, updating him on SG-1's condition when you arrived."

"I'd like to be updated on SG-1's condition too… or is it now common policy for your subordinates to hold _their _subordinates on their laps and… and _cuddle_ while they cry?"

Jack cringed, and bet Sam did the same. Hammond, Janet, Daniel, and Teal'c all looked at her in surprise - they knew her well-enough to know she rarely cried, and when she did it was for a good reason, and she probably wouldn't want anybody to know about it, especially the General. Jack couldn't believe that her dad would tell everyone she had been crying - didn't he know how much she would hate that?

"She wasn't crying," Jack insisted firmly. It wasn't _completely _untrue. She hadn't been sobbing uncontrollably or anything like that. She had just kind of… leaked a little.

"Or cuddling," Sam added quickly.

"Right. Or that," Jack agreed, realizing that in most situations he might have found it funny to hear Major General Jacob Carter say 'cuddling.' Funny when you weren't being accused of _doing _said cuddling, at any rate.

Jacob started to say something else but Hammond held up his hand. "Jacob, I'm sure you were surprised when you saw _all _of SG-1, particularly Jack and Sam. But the reason we called you was to see if you could help us with their… problem…"

Jack tuned Hammond and Fraiser out as they started catching Jacob up on the situation. The longer he sat there with Jacob casting him disapproving and suspicious glances, the more fed up he started to get. Here he had been glued to the woman he'd been silently in love with for years, and he'd been on his absolute best behavior...

After that zay'tarc thing, of course she sort of knew how he felt about her, but that was in an abstract, theoretical sort of way - and that was a long time ago too. After days of him being pressed right up against her, she knew exactly how he felt about her in a basically undeniable, concrete… biological sense. And still, he had kept his hands to himself and not managed to go completely insane. Maybe they'd bent the rules a little bit here and there, but come on, he sure as hell didn't need Jacob acting like he'd done something wrong! And frankly he didn't deserve it either - and neither did Carter!

Not for the first time, Jack found his respect for Hammond growing even more. Hammond was obviously smart enough to know that sometimes you had to let the rules be bent a little bit to keep them from being broken altogether - he'd proved that once again during this whole mess, overlooking things that he could easily have made a big deal out of. Sometimes he was surprised Hammond and Jacob were such good friends. Hell, Hammond had been more concerned at the mere mention that Sam had been crying than Jacob had been when he'd brought it up in a crowded room of people. That said it all right there, didn't it?

Jack was pretty much as pissed off at Jacob right now as Jacob was at him. Jacob Carter could just glare at him all he wanted to - Jack wasn't going to act like he was guilty of something when he wasn't.

As Hammond and Fraiser finished explaining the situation to Jacob, he thought for a moment and finally said, "Fine. I'll look at a sample, of course, but off the top of my head I have no idea what that could be - neither does Selmak… but it's possible he might be able to figure something out."

"Jacob, why don't we go down up to my lab and I'll show you everything we have so far," Fraiser offered. Clearly she was trying to put a little distance between everyone (those that it was physically possible to separate, at any rate) - which was probably a pretty good idea. Hammond decided to go with them, probably wanting to continue talking to Jacob in private.

"Jack, are you all right?" Daniel asked as soon as they were alone.

"Yeah, fine," he replied tersely. The rest of his team looked at him with their 'we know you're lying' looks. Well, he pretty much had to imagine Carter doing it, but she did squeeze his arm, which she'd taken to doing lately since she couldn't really see him very well.

"Major Carter?" Teal'c added gently.

"I'm okay, guys."

"Are you sure?" Daniel asked hesitantly. They were clearly thinking about what Jacob had said about finding her crying.

"Yeah… I was upset before, just frustrated because I can't figure this out, you know. But… I as already better… until Dad showed up. He's so… he acts like I'm still a kid or something! I don't want to talk about that right now though. What happened to your hands guys, exactly?"

Daniel took an extra-long time to tell the story, keeping the attention off the uncomfortable arrival of Jacob for as long as possible. They laughed at Daniel's impression of Felger's 'don't-hurt-me-Teal'c' face, and everyone relaxed. When the laughter died down, Teal'c and Daniel's stomachs both growled loudly, at the same time.

"You guys have spent waaaaay too much time together," Jack joked.

"Or it's just way past time to eat," Sam suggested, realizing she was pretty hungry herself. That stale half-eaten doughnut still sitting on the edge of her workbench was actually starting to look pretty good - she clearly needed real food if she was getting that desperate.

"I want to eat in the room," Jack said quickly. Last night the four of them had agreed to start going back to the commissary today, but after the day they'd had so far, he just wasn't up to it.

"Me too," Sam agreed.

"I will notify Dr. Fraiser," Teal'c said, picking up the phone.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

When Janet joined them in the VIP quarters, with a whole cart laden with several trays, Jacob followed her. "Mind if I join you?" he asked, his eyes lingering on his daughter.

"Sure," Sam agreed.

Jack nodded. "I guess."

Jacob gave him an 'I wasn't asking you pal, and keep those hands where I can see'em' sort of look which Jack pretended not to notice, determined not to take any crap from Jacob this time around.

"So, Jake… would you say you were more or less surprised when you came into Carter's lab today than that time you caught her under the desk in my office?" Jack asked casually as Jacob took a seat across from them at the table and Janet started handing out trays.

Jacob scowled and Sam let out a reproachful, "Colonel!"

At the same time, Daniel groaned and said, "God, Jack…"

Teal'c and Janet said nothing, although Janet looked like she wanted to dump his bowl of macaroni on his head and it was taking every ounce of willpower she had to place it on the table in front of him instead.

"So, Jacob, what took you guys so long to get the message this time?" Daniel asked, desperate to change the subject as everyone tucked in to their meals.

"Well, I was on a mission at the time, and George said it wasn't a dire emergency, just something I would want to know about and might have helpful information on, so I waited until I was finished," Jacob explained.

"Oh. Well, um…" Daniel was distracted from his own conversation when he saw Jack accidentally drop a spoonful of red Jell-o on Sam's shoulder, scoop it back onto his spoon with his fingers, and then eat it. "Eww, Jack," Daniel said before he could stop himself.

"What?" Jack asked with a shrug. "Her neck's clean." Then, casting a definite smirk at Jacob Carter, he added, "I helped her wash it myself this morning, when we were in the shower."

Sam rolled her eyes, but didn't seem all that surprised by his sudden 'you can all bite me' attitude he seemed to have adopted - if anything she looked like she was trying very hard not to smile. Jacob looked like he was having a particularly bad case of indigestion - he was probably arguing with Selmak.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

After dinner, Jacob muttered something about George inviting him to come home with him and stay in his guest room since SG-1 had taken over the best VIP room, and left rather quickly.

Teal'c couldn't help but notice that O'Neill seemed to be masking feelings of great triumph after the older man bid them goodnight. He expected Major Carter to reprimand him for his immature behavior after SG-1 was alone again, but she did not. Instead, she suggested O'Neill get to choose which film they would watch that evening.

Daniel said he wanted to make another pot of coffee before the movie began. Teal'c could no longer keep silent. "You drink too much coffee, Daniel Jackson," he said matter-of-factly, refusing to budge when Daniel tried to move towards the coffee pot.

"Yeah, I know," Daniel replied with a shrug, making another lunge towards the coffee. He couldn't make Teal'c move.

"I am serious. I knew this already, of course, but being with you constantly has truly shown me how much you consume each day. It is not healthy. You will do irreparable damage to your stomach lining."

"Teal'c…"

"You should drink more water," Teal'c told him firmly.

Daniel still looked shocked at Teal'c's suddenly forceful attitude about coffee, but finally shrugged and said, "All right, Teal'c, I'll cut back a little."

"It is for your own good, as well as the good of SG-1. We would not like you to be incapacitated by something so easily avoidable."

"Okay, I get it," Daniel grumbled, grabbing a bottle of water instead and following Teal'c over to the couch that Jack and Sam were not already lying on.

As Sam picked up the remote, Jack said, "So… when exactly did you two get married? Are you going to register somewhere, or..."

Sam laughed, while Daniel scowled.

"I mean, we all know Teal'c calls you his 'woman' when he's asleep…" Jack continued, eliciting further laughs from his 2IC.

"O'Neill, I do no such thing," Teal'c stated.

"Oh, but you do my friend," Jack corrected. "Or you did one time anyway, didn't he Danny boy?"

"No, he didn't," Daniel insisted. "It was during the Rite of Malshuran, you were delirious, Teal'c," he explained.

"I see," Teal'c said dryly.

"Oh! Before we start the movie… if it's okay with Teal'c of course… would you go make some popcorn, Danny?"

"No," Daniel said. "You can just get up and make it yourself… oh wait, no you can't."

Jack pulled the throw pillow out from under their heads (Sam let out a 'Hey!') and threw it at Daniel, hitting him in the face and knocking his glasses off. Daniel threw it back at them and then fumbled around for his glasses, but it hit Sam since he didn't have them on in the first place.

Just as he got them back on, the pillow hit him in the face again, and by the time he got them righted, Teal'c had thrown another one back at Jack and Sam for him.

Things quickly degenerated into a full-blown pillow fight, although it was a very strange one as Jack and Sam were easily knocked off balance and Teal'c and Daniel kept forgetting about the limited distance they could put between themselves.

They cleverly surrounded Jack and Sam and started hitting them with the pillows from both sides, trapping them between their joint arms and the arms that were holding the pillows being used in the assault. It was a bit like they were playing 'London Bridge is falling down'… if London Bridge started attacking the 'fair lady' of the song with pillows, of course.

They were all yelling, shrieking, and laughing, and hadn't realized how loud they were being until Fraiser came bursting through the door with two Airmen flanking her. She yelled, "BREAK IT UP, NOW!"

Startled, Jack and Sam lost their balance when Teal'c got in an extra-hard hit to Jack's bum, and they crashed into Daniel. Since they were still sandwiched between Daniel and Teal'c, they brought Teal'c with them when they all toppled over as well, and all of SG-1 ended up in a tangled heap on the floor between the sofa and the now-askew coffee table - Daniel on the bottom, Teal'c on the top.

"I'm hurt!" Daniel groaned.

Fraiser was trying to give Teal'c a hand up but since his hand was stuck to Daniel's, and those hands were trapped under Jack and Sam, it wasn't working. It took quite a while to untangle SG-1, and when they finally managed it they lay on the floor in a little rumpled row, all breathing hard and nursing mildly-injured body parts, looking up at Janet with 'don't be mad, please pity us' faces that, combined with the puppy-dog looks she was getting in full force from everyone but Teal'c, eventually melted her.

The hands on her hips relaxed and she helped them all to their feet. "No more pillow fights," she said firmly. "Daniel very nearly hit his head on the edge of the coffee table just then."

"Yes, Mom," Jack, Sam, and Daniel all chorused. Teal'c merely nodded. They all sat down on the same couch this time, very squashed in, and watched her as she straightened up the room.

"We'll be good now," Sam promised.

"Yeah - want to watch the movie with us?" Daniel offered.

"I can't, I promised Cassie I'd be home tonight. But thanks."

"Doc?" Jack asked hopefully as she headed for the door.

"What?"

"Can you make us some popcorn?"

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

After the movie was over, they all got ready for bed. "Good night, Mrs. Teal'c," Jack called sweetly to Daniel as they all got into their respective beds.

"Good night, Mr. Sam," Daniel replied.

"That doesn't even make any sense," Jack said.

"Well… neither do you," Daniel retorted.

"Stop," Sam and Teal'c both said at the same time, effectively ending the conversation.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Jack quickly decided they had been lucky the first few nights. One of them had almost always fallen immediately asleep (whether it was because Janet had sedated them or not was completely beside the point.) Tonight, he lay awake for a long time, and he knew Sam was doing the same thing, although, from the way she was lightly stroking his wrist with her thumb, he assumed she thought he was sleeping.

Daniel began snoring.

Jack wondered if she was thinking about her dad's not-so-pleasant-so-far visit, and if she was mad at him for his admittedly immature remarks. She didn't seem to be - she had actually laughed at most of them - but maybe now that she thought about it…

Sam sighed and tried harder to fall asleep. Unfortunately, that almost never worked, so the odds of it working tonight weren't very good. Still, she tried it anyway.

Daniel let out a particularly loud snorting sound and went right on sleeping - Jack and Sam both muttered, "Oh for cryin out loud," then laughed at themselves. They watched Teal'c manoeuvre Daniel onto his side and prop him in place with a bunch of pillows. The snoring got quieter, now to an almost-bearable level.

"Colonel?" Sam finally asked quietly, even though she knew he was awake at this point. She didn't want to disturb Teal'c, who finally appeared able to sleep, or God forbid wake up the snoring mass that was Dr. Daniel Jackson.

"Yeah?"

"I owe you a midnight snack," she began. Then, before he could come up with some sort of suggestive remark, she quickly added, "Want to go get that piece of cake in the commissary?"

"Yeahsureyoubetcha," he answered enthusiastically, rolling off the edge of the bed and taking her with him as they got to their feet.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

It was the first time either of them had been to the commissary since they had been stuck together. Daniel and Teal'c had gone a couple of times, never during peak hours of course. But Jack had always preferred the commissary in the middle of the night. It was a good place to brood. And steal a late-night snack.

"So how mad are you?" he asked in what he hoped was a casual tone as they found the cake and started cutting themselves pieces.

"Mad? I'm not mad, I just couldn't sleep."

"Oh."

"Why would I be mad?"

"I thought maybe, the stuff with your dad..." he said hesitantly, not wanting to bring it up if she hadn't already been thinking about it.

"Oh. Well, I guess it's kind of irritating that he's acting like I'm a teenager or something, but he's always like that."

"Yeah, but..."

"He deserved what you said to him, Colonel. And it was funny."

They took turns nuking huge pieces of chocolate cake in the microwave, but Sam refused the offer of ice cream – if she had _that _much sugar she'd never go to sleep. As it was, she was a bit leery of giving ice cream to a man who was fidgety on a good day and downright jumpy on a bad one, especially since she had to sleep with him. _Had _to, she mentally repeated, as if it was some huge chore. Yeah right. She scooped a bit of ice cream on his cake for him – he couldn't very well do it with one hand.

"Come on, that's like two bites," he objected when he peered over her shoulder and saw the measly amount she had scooped onto his plate.

She sighed and wondered if he'd actually be able to deliver and then enforce a direct order that she give him ice cream. Now probably wasn't the best time to test it... she worked one more big scoop out of the hard container and closed the lid firmly. They got themselves little cartons of milk from the fridge and made their way to their usual table.

Sam thought it was rather funny that, even in the middle of the night when the room was completely deserted, they both automatically went to 'SG-1's' table. It was mostly dark in the room – the only lights emanating from the refrigerated display shelves where the cold foods were kept.

"So, wanna make a bet about Bert and Ernie?" Jack suggested as they both dug into their cake.

"Who?" Sam asked automatically around the over-large bite she had taken, then realized he meant Daniel and Teal'c. She laughed so hard at the comparison that she wondered if she'd become the first grown woman to ever shoot cake out of her nose. When she finally stopped laughing, she set down her fork and asked, "Which one is which?"

"I dunno. I guess Danny's Ernie. You're not supposed to pick it apart, Carter, you're just supposed to laugh."

"I was."

"I noticed. So... how much do you want to bet that after all of this is over, they can't live without each other, Danny invites T to be his roommate, T finally gets to move off the base, and they all live happily ever after?"

"Um, well," Sam said carefully, not sure if he meant any of that to apply to them as well, or if she was the only one seeing anything else in what he had said. "I guess I could see that happening... but it's not like Daniel usually leaves the base all that much anyway. Especially after he came back – it seems like he's always here."

"Yeah, I noticed that too. I mean, it was what, two months before he even got round to finding a new apartment?"

"At least," Sam agreed, taking another, smaller and safer bite of cake. "So, if I take you up on this bet... does the loser have to buy them matching twin beds with their initials on the headboards?"

Jack chuckled and said, "I didn't know you were such a big fan of Sesame Street, Carter."

"Well, I do have nieces and nephews," she pointed out.

"Oh, yeah. Sure you don't want some ice cream?" he offered, a spoonful of it appearing in her peripheral vision on a dangerous path _near _her mouth but not directly at it.

"I'm sure!" she insisted, grabbing his wrist to keep him from 'accidentally' getting it on her. "I'm still not entirely sure I trust _you _with it – I've been a human bib quite enough lately, Colonel!"

"Oh, come on... how can you refuse ice cream?"

"It's vanilla. That's your favorite, not mine."

"There's chocolate cake underneath it," he pointed out, waving it under her nose.

"Sir, please..."

"I bet it would be really cold if I accidentally dropped some on you... and I didn't bring _any _napkins, so..."

"Don't," she warned. They'd already been treading on very dangerous ground lately, the last thing either of them needed was an incident that would land them in the General's office explaining, 'Well, sir, I accidentally dribbled ice cream all over Carter's neck and there weren't any napkins lying around so I _had _to lick it off with my tongue...'

Hammond was being nice about all of this, but Sam didn't think he'd buy that one.

Still, it sounded like fun.

"I never heard of anyone refusing ice cream before... would it help if I did the airplane thing?" He started making airplane noises and sounded so ridiculous that it was hard to keep the spoon and his hand out of her face because she was laughing so hard, although at this point she was determined not to eat any of it simply on principle alone.

"Look just because I'm sitting in your lap doesn't mean you've got to act like I'm a little k..." she yelped and swatted the spoon away, but she was too late. There was a big blob of ice cream on the end of her nose now. "That's so cold!"

"Brilliant scientific reasoning skills, Major Carter," Jack praised sarcastically around the spoon now sticking out of his mouth. "Ice cream is cold... we have to clue the world in on your amazing discovery."

"Shut up," she said automatically as she wiped her nose on the back of her hand. Jack went still for a few seconds and she realized she'd just told her Commanding Officer to shut up. "Sir?" she added, wishing it came out less like a squeak.

He burst out laughing and said, "Wow, that's one of the few things I never thought I'd hear come out of your mouth, Carter. At least not directed at me anyway."

Ignoring the urge to ask what other things were on that list, she laughed nervously, relieved he wasn't going to make a big deal out of it. Not that she thought he'd really court-martial her or anything, but she'd thought there'd be a little more leg-pulling involved. It had taken him months to stop mentioning the way she'd railed at him on that beach when they'd been addicted to that light thing... and she'd had a perfectly legitimate excuse for it that time. This was different though.

She tried crossing her eyes to look at her own nose and see if she got all the ice cream off, but couldn't quite tell. When she uncrossed her eyes though, she did notice a familiar figure (actually there were two at first, but once her eyes went back to normal they merged into one) hovering in the doorway.

She cleared her throat and said, "Um, hi Dad."

"Hi, Sam."

She thought he sounded really tired. Jack shifted uncomfortably behind her. "I thought you went home with General Hammond," she finally said.

"I was going to, but his daughter was bringing one of his grandkids over, because one of them's got strep throat and they're trying to keep the other one from catching it. So anyway, George is getting the healthy one but I figured he'd rather have some time alone with her. And vice versa. So I uninvited myself and I'm crashing in the last VIP room."

"There are three..." Jack started.

"Daniel and Teal'c are in the bed from the other one," Sam reminded him.

"Oh yeah."

"I heard you laughing," Jacob said suddenly. "I couldn't sleep... well, you know, we Tok'ra don't sleep very much, but anyway... I talked Selmak into a cup of coffee and..."

Jack waved a hand at the coffee station and said, "I'd make it for you, but..."

"Your hands are full," Jacob finished. To his credit, he very nearly succeeded in keeping the biting tone out of the comment.

Jack and Sam sat quietly while Jacob went about making himself the coffee. Jack was getting grumpy – they'd already been having kind of a tough day before Jacob showed up, and he'd only succeeded in putting both Jack and Sam in very tense, irritable moods that had lingered off and on throughout the rest of the day, although they'd both tried hard not to take it out on each other just because they were the easiest targets... but they'd been right back in the jocular mood that had filled the first few days of their predicament, and Jack really didn't want Jacob bursting their bubble again. He supposed he understood the man's perspective... well, _sort of... _

Jacob sat down across from them at the table and took a sip of coffee, sinking back into his chair with a happy look on his face similar to the one Sam got when she got her first cup (or pot) of the day. "Your ice cream's melting, Jack," he pointed out.

Jack took another bite of his snack. Sam started picking at hers again, more to have something to do with her hands, and look at, than anything else.

"I may have overreacted before," Jacob mumbled. He appeared to be trying to engage the little tray of artificial sweeteners in conversation, but Sam knew that was about as close as her dad usually got to an apology.

"_May _have?" Jack couldn't help but tease a little.

"Yeah," Jacob countered, giving him a 'don't push it pal' sort of look.

"All right. Well, I _may _have been trying to push your buttons a little bit too," he conceded, speaking to his spoon.

"Ohfercryinoutloud," Sam muttered under her breath, then quickly stuck another bite of cake in her mouth so she wouldn't have to answer to the surprised look she could feel her dad giving her, or the one she could feel boring into the back of her skull from Jack. Geez, it wasn't like her CO had _invented _that phrase himself!

"Anyway, we worked with Dr. Fraiser all evening, and Selmak doesn't know what this stuff is anymore than the rest of you do. Sorry, kids, but I don't think the Tok'ra are going to be able to help you out on this one."

Jack very nearly said, "So what else is new," but, in the spirit of the newfound peace between the three of them (well, four counting the snake), he refrained.

He sat quietly, finishing his dessert while Carter and her dad started talking about Mark and his family, Carter catching her dad up on things he had missed. The conversation was a bit forced at first, on both sides, but soon they both began to get more comfortable with each other until they were talking like they usually did. Jack hated to interrupt such a touching moment of reconciliation... but he had needs to, after all.

He licked the fork clean and tapped her leg with it but she ignored him. He cleared his throat. He tapped some more. Finally, he set the fork down and poked her shoulder with his finger. Repeatedly. Until she finally paused in a story about her nephew's school play and demanded, _"What?" _

He pushed his little carton of milk into her hands and, feeling very much like a seven year-old child and whimsically deciding to play that angle up, asked petulantly, "Can you open my milk?"

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Teal'c raised an eyebrow at his missing teammates when they stumbled back into their room sleepily, the late hour and their full stomachs making them very tired.

"I was beginning to think we would have to search for you in the morning again," he stated.

"No, just having a nice little chat with Dad... you know, about keeping his daughter up past curfew and all that..." Jack said sleepily as they stepped out of their shoes and collapsed gratefully onto their bed.

"Major Carter, I hope all is well between you and your father?" Teal'c asked.

"Yeah, it's fine, Teal'c, thanks. We actually had a good conversation."

"I am pleased then."

Daniel rolled over and slurred, "Wasshappenin guys?"

Jack held up his hand to keep the rest of them quiet and said, in a high-pitched voice that for some reason reminded Sam of the little neighbor dog on 'Lady and the Tramp' (it could have been the ridiculous accent he used – she wasn't entirely sure what it was meant to be exactly but to her it just sounded like a Scotsman who'd had a gusty wind blown up his kilt), "Danny boy y'er late fer school an' it's show-and-tell today. Run along and get some toilet paper from the bathroom and yeh ken teach all the kids to be mummies."

"Okay, but..." Daniel woke up half-way and blinked over at the blurry images of Jack and Sam. Sam was giggling (she had been doing that _way _too much since being glued to Jack, in Daniel's opinion). "You suck, Jack," he informed him, turning over on his side away from them, which brought Teal'c's arm across his body.

"Daniel Jackson, I would like my arm returned, please," Teal'c said, rolling him back unceremoniously. Daniel mumbled something in another language (did he speak _Gaelic, _for cryin out loud...) and flipped his pillow over to the cool side.

Sam leaned over and turned off the lamp by their bed so the room was completely dark. All was quiet for a few moments after she and Jack were settled in for the night. Then Jack said in a much-too-loud voice since he was right next to her, "Night, Carter!"

"Good night, Colonel," she answered patiently.

"Goodnight, Bert, 'night Ernie," he added.

Sam chuckled quietly into the pillow, trying not to encourage him further as it was quite late and she was now very tired.

"Guess that makes you Oscar the Grouch, doesn't it Jack?" Daniel retorted.

"Goodnight, _everyone,_" Sam said pointedly around a big yawn.

Daniel had just started to snore again when Teal'c asked, "O'Neill, who are Bert and Ernie?"

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv


	9. Kids on Saturday

A/N: I _do _really like Jacob, sorry if it came off that I don't... looking back, I can see how you got that, iamdragonrider. So other people probably did as well. Anyway, I added in more Jacob to this chapter. The next one will be the last one - I'm getting as tired of them being stuck together as they are!

Ch 9: Kids on Saturday

"Okay, Teal'c, you get the idea."

"I have not seen Bert and Ernie yet, Daniel Jackson."

"Teal'c, come on, that song's driving me nuts."

"Is that Bert or Ernie?"

"What? No, that's Elmo."

"I see."

"This show is for very, very small children. Besides, you're going to wake up Jack and Sam."

"I believe it is you who will awaken them, Daniel Jackson. With your objections to my choice of programming. I merely wish to see these puppets O'Neill spoke of, then I assure you we will go have breakfast."

"God, I thought I was just having a really weird dream," Sam whispered to herself as she realized that she wasn't dreaming - she actually _was _in one of the VIP rooms in bed with her CO breathing down her neck as their other two teammates watched Sesame Street and argued in the loudest whispering she'd ever heard.

Her life was so weird.

She cracked an eye open without lifting her head, still very tired from being up late the night before, and nearly laughed out loud at the sight of Teal'c and Daniel. In order not to wake them, apparently, they were sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table, as close to the television as they could get. Teal'c was sitting cross-legged as usual, but Daniel was stretched out on his stomach on the floor. Their joint and still faintly blue-tinted hands were on the floor next to Teal'c's knee. Both of them had big cereal bowls in front of them on the floor. They were the most overgrown kids Sam could have possibly imagined.

"Don't move or they'll figure out you're awake," Jack whispered in her ear. She nodded slightly, holding her breath for a moment, although she didn't see how Daniel and Teal'c could notice if they were awake or not when Jack had been successfully fooling her into thinking he was still asleep.

"I'm not awake so I'm afraid I have no idea what you're talking about, Colonel," she whispered back, giving in to the overwhelming temptation to go back to sleep.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Jacob Carter spotted Dr. Fraiser sitting by herself in the commissary, reading through some sort of chart and nursing a cup of coffee. Knowing better than to try to convince Selmak that a cup of coffee would really hit the spot right about now (they'd had some just last night, after all), Jacob got himself some breakfast and chose orange juice instead.

"Good morning, Dr. Fraiser. Would you mind some company?"

She looked up at him in surprise and smiled, waving her hand at the empty table. "Please, be my guest, General."

"Jacob."

"Right, sorry." She raised an eyebrow at his tray, which was nearly as full as Teal'c's usually was, and asked, "Hungry?"

"I know, it looks a bit much but the Tok'ra don't do food very well, so whenever I'm here I kind of… well, let's just say I wouldn't be eating like this if I wasn't certain Selmak will keep me from a heart attack."

"I guess you do have a pretty good personal physician at your disposal."

"Yeah," Jacob agreed, chuckling. "Well, what's on the schedule for today?"

"Oh, I don't know. It's Saturday, I'm going to order SG-1 to take the day completely off. They were trying to convince me earlier to let them go home but General Hammond thinks that's just a recipe for disaster - and I happen to agree with him there. But that doesn't mean they have to spend the weekend working. They need a chance to de-stress a little I think. And so do the rest of the scientists… they've all been working in shifts basically around the clock trying to figure this thing out."

"They all seem like they're doing pretty well to me. SG-1 I mean."

"Under the circumstances, definitely," Janet agreed rapidly. "In a way I feel really lucky that it was SG-1 who got stuck… if any of the other teams had been out there, they'd have been at each other's throats days ago, I'm afraid. Luckily SG-1 is about as tight-knit a group as it's possible to be, so…"

"Yeah, nice choice of words."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Jacob, I wasn't thinking about… well, I mean… how's everything going with you and Sam?"

"And Jack?" Jacob added. "Since you can't exactly have one without the other at the moment. Actually, it's okay. I ran into them in here last night and we sort of cleared the air and all. I'm supposed to play chess with Jack later today."

"That sounds good. It'll keep him occupied for a while at least… Wait a minute, were they in here eating cake? In the middle of the night?"

"Maybe… did I just get them into trouble?"

She sighed and shook her head. "I guess I can let it go under the circumstances but that man knows he's supposed to be cutting back on the midnight snacks. Especially cake. And I'm guessing there was ice cream as well?"

"Yeah."

"Big needles await him in his near future. I swear, one of these days that man's metabolism is going to catch up to his age and I'll be right there to say 'I told you so…'" she trailed off as Daniel and Teal'c entered, scowling at the automatic laughter and whispers that followed their arrival anywhere.

They spotted Janet quickly and hurried over to them. "Janet, remember when you said if we were still stuck like this on the weekend we could go home?" Daniel asked quickly with a big grin.

Janet smiled benignly and said, "Very clearly, Daniel. I remember telling you I'd _think _about it. Why don't you go get yourselves something to eat and join us for breakfast?"

Daniel looked like he very much wanted to say something like 'no thanks, I'd rather argue belligerently with you until you give in to make me shut up and go away.' But he didn't. He and Teal'c went to get their breakfasts, Janet watching them go and shaking her head with a slightly exasperated, fond smile on her face.

"Must be a lot like watching four children," Jacob commented, looking at Janet thoughtfully.

"Oh, you can say that again," Janet agreed readily. "They just feed off of each other sometimes, you know, like if the Colonel's being particularly antsy the rest of them pick up on it and I just can't get them to leave me alone…" she sighed. "I just want them all back to normal. For all our sakes."

"I'm sure we'll figure something out soon," Jacob said as Daniel and Teal'c sat down with them at the table, each with a full tray.

"Daniel Jackson," Teal'c cautioned when Daniel poured himself a cup of coffee.

"I'm not going cold turkey, Teal'c, I'm just… reducing my intake a little."

"Cold turkey? I have never heard of using cold turkey as a substitute for coffee."

"It's just a saying. It means to give up something altogether. Like when we were addicted to the light thing, and turning it off all at once made people, you know, die… but we could handle it if we did it gradually."

"I see," Teal'c said, turning his attention to the other two people at the table. "Dr. Fraiser. Jacob. How are your mornings progressing?"

Janet smiled at Teal'c and said, "If you're about to tell me you've finally managed to get Daniel Jackson to lay off the coffee, I may have to put you up for an award, Teal'c."

"No reward is necessary, Dr. Fraiser. And I fear it is a hopeless case anyway."

"Well, Teal'c, Daniel was right about what he just said… if you tried to make him give it up all together… well, let's just say I'd hate to be stuck to the man while he went through that kind of withdrawal."

"Excellent point," Teal'c conceded.

"So… where are Jack and Sam?"

"They're still in bed," Daniel answered off-handedly, clumsily attempting to butter his waffles with one hand.

Jacob couldn't help the little flare of anger at the innocent remark. Daniel looked up at Janet, who was giving him that 'Try a bit harder not to put your foot in it next time, won't you?' look, and at Jacob who had that slightly unfocused look he got when he was having an internal conversation with Selmak.

"I just meant…" he started apologetically.

"I know, Danny," Jacob finally said. "I spent a long time with them last night and… I understand, I really do. I even feel sort of sorry for them. It's just… weird."

Teal'c transferred half a bagel to his mouth at once and nodded. "Indeed."

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Jack awoke with a start. He awoke with a start quite frequently, when he was sleeping alone. Drenched in sweat, his heart racing dangerously. Nightmares. Despite how it was usually portrayed on the big and small screens, when he awoke with a start, it was more of a feeling and maybe a slight muscle spasm. He didn't go bolting upright in bed, jerking and looking around like a madman. He just… woke up.

This time, though, he did startle himself awake, but it was with a laugh rather than a fright. He had been having the weirdest dream… they gated to a planet of what could only be called Smurfs. The Smurfs started worshipping Teal'c, he totally let it go to his head…

He opened his eyes and looked around the room for Teal'c and Daniel, intent on blaming them for his bizarre dream, influencing him by watching Sesame Street in the wee morning hours like small children… but they weren't there.

"All alone in the VIP suite, just you and me, huh Carter," he said in his head, not wanting to risk waking her up by saying it out loud. He could tell by her breathing that she was in deep sleep.

He couldn't help but dwell on that a little bit. Sam Carter was quite comfortably asleep in his arms. Even after several consecutive nights of this, he still found it a little hard to believe when he woke up. The fact that she didn't have a choice in the matter and that Hammond was only permitting it because so far the only solution anybody had come up with for separating them involved some fancy laser and months of plastic surgery to patch up the damage it would cause were all easy things to conveniently forget about when he woke up to find her there, still asleep, snuggled perfectly into him.

He knew, of course, that she didn't have a whole lot of other places she could be, but there was a little bit of space she could have put between them had she really wanted to. He wasn't sure how to explain it, but there was a definite difference in the way she rested her weight back into him that he'd discovered that first morning. Sam Carter was a total cuddler. She'd probably kill him if he ever said it out loud, and there was always the chance nobody would believe him anyway. Then he'd be opening himself up for accusations as well, although he was fairly certain nobody would take _her _seriously if she told people he was quite the cuddler himself.

Feeling faintly sickened with his own rather sappy behavior, but indulging himself nonetheless, he shifted slightly so that he could prop his head up on his free hand, tilt his neck at a not-too-uncomfortable angle, and just… look. He hadn't seen as much of her face these days as he was used to, and he missed it. A big part of that was the eyes, of course, which were currently closed, but still.

There was something wonderfully enigmatic about watching somebody sleep, especially for a man whose own sleep was often haunted. He took comfort from watching the peaceful sleeping of others -- he had spent so much time hovering in Charlie's doorway watching the even rise and fall of his little chest that Sarah had joked that he should get them bunk beds, move in with him, and be done with it.

He monitored Daniel and Carter while they slept off-world. It was his job then, and he took it very seriously. It wouldn't do, in those circumstances, to get lost in thought watching a snoozing teammate, but the proximity, and the knowledge that he was responsible for guarding their sleep, was enough.

Sam pushed back into him further. He got the feeling if she'd been turned the other way she'd be burrowing into his chest. Her movement let him see her face better, and he suddenly felt very sneaky. Like he was getting a rare glimpse of something top-secret: Carter sleeping. Dead-to-the-world, late-in-the-morning sleeping. There was a kind of heady rush of excitement in the idea that he was stealing something here, stealing a moment, but that due to their current bizarre circumstances, there couldn't be any consequences for it.

The fleeting feeling of danger evaporated when her hand, which had been tucked under her chin, settled on his arm, curling gently around his forearm just below his elbow. Her thumb started stroking the skin there, lazily, and he knew she was still dead-asleep or she would've been able to feel him looking at her by now, but he still took it as an invitation. Hammond might not appreciate the little liberty he was taking here, but Sam wouldn't mind.

Then she went and shocked him to death by letting out a, "Jack," that sounded more like a sigh than anything else. It wasn't the first time she'd startled him, calling him by his first name in a state of semi-consciousness, but this time she wasn't full of drugs and badly concussed. And she knew he was there. On some level, at least. He doubted Carter's mind ever shut itself off so completely that she'd forget, even in really deep sleep, that they'd been stuck together for nearly a week.

His neck was really starting to hurt, so he finally lay his head back on the pillow, wincing when his neck twinged again, and tried to snake his free arm back under her without jostling too much. She mumbled something about magnets and shifted again, so he hadn't quite pulled it off.

Within ten minutes, she had woken up slowly. "Sorry," he apologized when he knew she was awake - the hand stroking his arm stopped abruptly and curled itself away carefully.

"For what?"

"I woke you up."

"Daniel and Teal'c did it first… they're gone?"

"Yeah."

"Must be getting late."

Jack's stomach chose that moment to growl rather loudly.

"Very late," Sam added with a laugh.

He wondered what she'd do if he asked her about the 'Jack' remark, but decided it might be pushing it a bit. Like basically everything else between them, including the very obvious evidence that he'd been up (pun definitely intended, he thought dryly) for a while now, it was probably best if for the time being it went unmentioned. As always. For now it just had to be enough that it was there.

That was a rather depressing thought for a lazy Saturday morning, though. He took a long, slow whiff of her hair and felt better, even though she laughed at him for doing it.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

"Janet, you promised we could go home today, remember?" Sam asked as soon as she and Jack entered the commissary and spotted the group at their table.

Janet and Jacob laughed at her statement for some reason.

"What?" Jack and Sam asked.

"As I already reminded Daniel, I did not _promise _you could go home today. I promised you I'd _think _about it. And I'm sorry, but General Hammond agrees that it's not a good idea. But you do have the day off, all day."

"But…" Jack started.

"No buts, Colonel. And breakfast is almost over so if you'd like some yourself I suggest you go get _your _butts in line."

"Yes, ma'am," Jack mumbled, waving a hand towards the serving line. "After you, Major Carter," he said dramatically, as though they really had a choice in the matter.

They piled food onto one tray, for themselves mainly but correctly assuming Daniel and Teal'c would be ready for seconds. Sitting down carefully as always, Jack slid a new plate of waffles over to Daniel, and Sam refilled his coffee as she filled her own mug and Jack's as well. Teal'c swapped the plate Sam offered him for the salt and pepper, which she then gave to Jack for his eggs and hash browns. Daniel handed Sam the ketchup and started filling every third hole of his waffle with syrup.

Jacob watched them all preparing their breakfasts a bit like an assembly line, and smiled and shook his head, thinking about what Janet had said about them earlier. She had obviously been completely correct.

Daniel was trying unsuccessfully to cut his waffles with the side of his fork. "Daniel?" Sam finally offered, the only one of the four of them to have both hands available to use. She had quickly become responsible for cutting all their food when they dined alone, but she wasn't sure if Daniel would want her to do it in front of everyone else. He hesitated only a moment before sliding the plate back to her. While she cut up the waffles, Jack's hand snuck under her arm for one of the pieces of bacon on the plate farthest away from him on their tray.

"I thought that was for Teal'c," she commented.

"Why?"

"Sir… last time you ate bacon you wiped the grease on my shirt when you thought I wasn't paying attention and I had to smell it the rest of the day."

"Yeah, and the rest of us had to try and figure out _why _Sam smelled like bacon," Daniel agreed, adding, "Thanks, Sam," when she slid his plate back over to him.

"Well, I won't do that this time then," he said with a shrug.

Janet and Jacob watched SG-1 in continued amusement as Sam and Teal'c looked at each other, Teal'c nodded, and took half the bacon off the plate, eating it steadily even though Jack practically whined, "Teal'c!"

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Janet decided to stop by SG-1's quarters once more before taking her own half-day off. She found the guard posted outside their door leaning against the wall and laughing his ass off.

"Sergeant?" she asked.

At the loud chorus of "Ohhhhhhhhhh!"s that suddenly travelled through the door, emanating from all four members of SG-1, she smiled, wondering what they were up to now.

"Sam's cheating again!"

"No I'm not!"

"I believe you are, Major Carter."

"Teal'c, we're not cheating!" Jack argued. "One hand, look."

"Do not look, Daniel Jackson. She will shoot you again while you are distracted."

"Nice one, Carter!"

"What the hell are they _doing _in there?" Janet asked the guard.

"I don't know, it sounded like they were moving a bunch of stuff around earlier," the guard told her.

Fraiser knocked and entered when they all yelled, "Come in!"

As she entered, she had to laugh. They'd hooked up a Playstation, despite the fact that Sam was the only one who could actually use a controller properly. To get around that minor difficulty, they were playing on teams, Sam and Jack against Teal'c and Daniel, obviously. Daniel and Teal'c were sitting in front of the couch, on the floor, side by side with the remote held between them. Daniel was controlling the directional movement and Teal'c had all the buttons. Jack and Sam were sitting on the couch behind them.

Babysitting little kids was right, Janet thought. "Glad to see you're taking your day off seriously, even if this wasn't exactly what I had in mind," she commented, joining them.

"Hey, doc, want to play?"

"No thanks, Colonel. I'm not very good at video games."

"Doesn't stop Daniel."

"Hey!" Daniel objected.

"Well… I just wanted to see if you guys needed anything else before I go home for the day."

"Take us with you?" Sam asked hopefully.

They were still playing the game. She blew something up that made Teal'c say, "Excellent shot, Major Carter. But now prepare to die."

"Sorry, Sam. No can do. I'll be back tomorrow and we'll keep working."

"Say hi to Cassie for us," Jack called absently as Janet got up to leave.

They went back to their game. Janet passed Jacob in the hall and said, "Your turn. Hammond pays overtime for babysitting that lot."

"Whatever it is, I'm sure it's not enough," Jacob chuckled. "Have a good weekend, Dr. Fraiser."

"You too."

Jacob watched them play the video game for a while, but it wasn't exactly his thing. "This is really frustrating," Jack finally said.

"You've been cheating the whole time, what are you complaining about?" Daniel asked.

"Fine, you and Teal'c play against each other. Jake and I are going to play chess." He handed Daniel the controller he and Sam had been using, and Daniel looked at him incredulously.

"How can we play against each other with one hand? It didn't work too well when we tried it before."

"Use your feet?" Sam suggested as they moved over to the table and Jacob began setting up the chess board.

An hour and a half later, Jacob and Jack were still playing, both of them very good at the game. Sam was playing Jack's Gameboy, quickly finding it impossible to watch the chess match without offering her own suggestions.

"This is actually kind of fun," she admitted when Daniel offered to fetch her a book or something from her quarters.

"Oh no. She's gone to the dark side, Teal'c!" Daniel wailed dramatically, throwing his free arm around Teal'c and acting like the world was coming to an end because his brainiac friend had just said she'd rather play a handheld video game than read or work.

"Mwahahaha," Jack laughed evilly.

Jacob finally decided on a move and claimed one of Jack's pawns with a bishop.

Jack immediately picked up his knight and started to move it. Sam, knowing her father's chess strategies better than Jack did, of course, as her father had taught her to play in the first place, shifted on Jack's lap and cleared her throat quietly.

Jack appeared to be considering his move for a few seconds, then set the piece back down where it had been and moved his rook instead.

"Hey, you helped him!" Jacob objected.

"Hmm, what Dad?" Sam asked absently, pretending to be so thoroughly engrossed in the Gameboy that she had no idea what her father was talking about.

Jack won that game within the next two moves, but offered Jacob a rematch. After so many years, SG-1 knew each other's chess games so well that it was always interesting to have someone new to play with.

Daniel and Teal'c started a movie, and Sam eventually lost interest in the Gameboy in favor of watching it. They truly were taking the day off, Jack realized at one point as he surveyed the room while waiting for Jacob to take his turn.

They were all so relaxed, as a matter of fact, that Sam and Daniel both went, "Aaaaaaaihhhhhhh!" when Thor materialized in the middle of the room.

"Greetings," he said.

"Thor, buddy! Sorry about the um, screaming, you kind of surprised us there," Jack said quickly, nudging Sam.

"Sorry, Thor," she said quickly. "You just took us by surprise. How did you know where we were?"

"I contacted General Hammond from my ship before beaming myself down. He should be here…"

"Now," Hammond said, entering the usual way, through the door. Slightly less dramatic than Thor's entrances, but it still worked.

"How's Tessa?" Jack asked him, remembering that he'd been watching his granddaughter.

"She's fine - managed to get her away from Kayla before she could get sick too. Kayla's doing a lot better today too."

"That's good to hear."

"Are these your offspring, General Hammond?" Thor asked, genuinely curious.

"Grandchildren," Hammond explained.

"Offspring of offspring," Daniel translated.

"I see. Interesting," Thor said. "I apologize for the delay in coming to your assistance. I was very far away, and the message took some time to reach me. I also took the liberty of making a stop along the way to inform one of our mutual allies of your condition."

"Who?" All of SG-1 asked at once.

"Can you think of no one who might be especially adept at helping someone afflicted by a natural substance found in the forest?" Thor asked.

"The Nox!" Sam exclaimed suddenly.

"Correct, Major Carter."

"So… I'm hoping you came all this way because you've got good news?" Jack asked.

"I bring more than good news, O'Neill. I believe I have brought you a solution to your rather unusual and, if I may add, somewhat amusing problem. Come with me. With any luck, we will have you all separated in no time."


	10. Still Stuck

A/N: Well, for my last chapter I've apparently decided to go Dickens on you guys, and it's incredibly long. I hope that doesn't make it unreadable - I thought of splitting it up into two, but it was done so I decided to post it all together. As many of you may know, I'm _very _pregnant with twins and this one was sort of a last-minute race to get it done before they're born (I have 24 days left, but with twins you never know.) Anyway, this is the end of this series of 'Compromising Positions,' and I would be absolutely shocked if I find the desire or the time to write anything else at all for the next several months. I'll probably turn up again eventually. In the meantime, I'll keep up the reading/reviewing when I have the time. Not to get too sappy here, but I just wanted to say thanks to everyone reading this - when I started writing, I didn't realize how much more fun it is when you get feedback! It's completely addictive, and it was a good alternative to caffeine and running during my pregnancy, so thanks again.

Ch 10: Still Stuck

General Hammond and Thor led a very happy SG-1 and an even happier Jacob Carter back to the infirmary. "I've already contacted Dr. Fraiser - unfortunately she had to cut her day off short and head right back to the base, but she insisted on examining the substance Thor brought with him before she'll allow any of you to try it."

"She has control issues," Jack commented idly, to no one in particular.

Sam trod on his foot in defence of her friend, which actually hurt as they were wearing flip-flops instead of their normal steel-toed boots. He yelped and said, "Carter!"

"Sorry, sir, it was an accident," she said innocently.

"Right," he muttered under his breath, scowling at the world in general when he saw that the only men in the room with the power to reprimand her, apart from himself, were completely on her side. "Not fair," he muttered again.

"What was that, Jack?" Jacob asked.

"Nothing, Dad," he said. He turned his attention to Thor and asked, "So, little buddy, how's it going?"

Although Daniel looked appalled, Thor merely tilted his head and said, "It goes well, O'Neill, if I understand you correctly."

"Good. Hey, you know, as long as you're here, if you can hang out for a while, you never did take me up on that fishing offer. It's great, you know, this sweet little lake…"

"I do not believe the Asgard High Council would approve of me risking the exposure of our entire race to the humans of your planet to accompany you on a fishing excursion, O'Neill. But I thank you for the offer, as always."

"Hmm. All right then," Jack said reluctantly. He poked Carter in the shoulder and whispered, "See, at least he's got a decent excuse."

She stifled a laugh and was saved having to come up with a reply when Janet entered her infirmary full-steam ahead, skidding to a stop near Teal'c, who put his arm out to stop her, but she stopped herself just short of his arm. She was already out of breath from running to her infirmary (in those clunky heels, on top of that!), so Jack really had no idea where she was getting the air to speak but she suddenly began speaking very quickly. "Thor! I'm sure everyone's already expressed to you how grateful we are for your help in this matter - I'd just like to get a look at a sample of the substance you've brought under the microscope, maybe combine it with a sample of the original substance, before I let SG-1 have any contact with it, you understand of course…"

"Dr. Fraiser, breathe," General Hammond cut in patiently, turning to Thor. "Now that we're all here, why don't you tell us a little bit more about how you found the substance."

"Certainly, General Hammond. I received your message, and was most surprised to hear of the substance and its affects on all of you. I had never heard of such a thing before, nor had anyone on the High Council. Our alliance with the Nox has proven beneficial for many reasons, but one important aspect of that friendship is that we compliment each other - one being stronger in an area where another is weak. I suspect it is much the same with you, SG-1. In any case, we, the Asgard have spent much time developing technology. The Nox, as you know, are not interested in such things. They are what I would put in your Earth terms, biological experts. Naturalists, perhaps. Knowing this, I contacted them and have deferred to their judgment in an area I feel they are far more knowledgeable than I."

"Do they know what this stuff is?" Daniel asked, waving his and Teal'c's joint hands to indicate 'this stuff.'

"They do," Thor said, nodding his head once. "It is very complicated. In terms you and I can understand, the substance binds like cells to each other by creating a homeostatic state between them - in other words, it convinces your cells that being connected to each other is their natural state of being, much as your own skin holds itself together."

"That's unbelievable," Janet said.

"Wow," Sam and Daniel both said.

"How do you undo it?" Jack asked.

"Again, the solution lies in homeostasis… or something similar to it, to be more precise. You must simply ingest an amount of the substance approximate to the amount already on your bodies. The substance within will balance itself with the substance without, thus…"

"Whoa!" Jack said, waving his one free hand. "We've gotta _eat _that stuff?"

"Ewwwwwwwwwww," Sam and Janet said.

Daniel turned faintly green. Even Hammond looked as if he had a bad taste in his mouth. Thor watched them all and said, "Lya has assured me it is not toxic to your systems. It is perfectly safe to consume. I took the liberty of collecting more on my way here. Dr. Fraiser, perhaps you should verify that this is the same exact substance with your microscope."

He pressed a button on his palm device and a jar-like container of the thick substance materialized in his hand. He gave it to Fraiser, who smeared a small sample on a slide and placed it under a microscope. SG-1 watched in a kind of frozen horror - nobody wanted to have to eat that stuff if they could get around it.

"Maybe we could mix it in with some Jell-o…" Jack suggested.

"I don't think so, Colonel," Janet told him, swivelling back around to face them. "From what it sounds like, we don't want anything else interfering with it. It'll have to be taken straight. Thor's right, this is the same substance."

"We will go first," Teal'c stated.

Daniel blinked at him. "We will?"

"We will," he repeated firmly. "We were exposed to much less of the substance than O'Neill and Major Carter, therefore we will not have to ingest as much. Should anything go wrong, the effect would be less severe for us."

Daniel nodded, looking like he might very well vomit at the very _idea _of having to drink goopy alien sap.

Janet poured some into two small beakers, guessing a little bit on the safe side how much would be required, based on the estimated surface area of Daniel's hand. She handed them their beakers wordlessly, looking at them apologetically, as if she were responsible for the fact that nobody had another viable solution.

"They need to ingest the substance within the same short period of time, or one of them will end up having to take it twice," Thor warned.

"Bottom's up, boys," Jack said, trying to tease them, although his dry tone showed that his heart wasn't really in it - he was too worried about the fact that he'd have to do the same thing in a few minutes.

Everyone winced as they watched Teal'c and Daniel knock back the little beakers like they were shots. Teal'c swallowed his without making any sort of face at all, handed Fraiser the beaker back, and said only, "That was most unpleasant."

Daniel, on the other hand, spluttered and coughed it up, then gagged. Fraiser yelled, "Nobody touch him!" Obviously, she was worried about other people ending up stuck to each other.

"I'm going to puke," Daniel announced to the room a second before he made a dive for the nearest sink and started vomiting spectacularly.

Jack and Sam backed into a nearby corner, trying to get away from Daniel. Poor Teal'c still had no choice. Jacob and Hammond backed into another corner. Fraiser quickly put on Level 3 gloves that went up to her shoulders, filled a plastic syringe - without the needle of course - with another dose of the substance, and as soon as Daniel had stopped throwing up, she got him in an awkward headlock, tipped his head back, forced the syringe in the side of his mouth, and squirted all of the goo down the back of his throat so he had no choice but to swallow it.

"Teal'c, rub his back," she ordered, and set about making sure all of the stuff Daniel had spit up or out was properly quarantined.

"Danny… look, pal, you know how we all feel about you…" Jack finally said, still wincing. "But please… don't ever do anything like that again."

"Yeah, let's see you handle it any better. It tastes like… like brine shrimp and… and brussel sprouts," Daniel said weakly as Teal'c patted him on the back.

"It does indeed," Teal'c agreed.

"Great," Jack and Sam both muttered.

"Well… let's see if it works first," Hammond said. "Nice work, Dr. Fraiser."

"Thank you, sir."

"Umm, Dr. Fraiser, were you a veterinarian in another life?" Jacob asked.

"I was about to say that!" Jack exclaimed, looking impressed.

"Oh brother," Sam said under her breath, then called, "Daniel, how you feeling?"

"Well… let's just say if you _were_ a vet in another life, Janet… now would be a good time to put me to sleep."

He sat down on a nearby gurney wearily and rubbed his aching stomach with both hands. It took him several moments, as he was so absorbed in feeling sorry for himself, to realize that everyone was staring at him.

He watched them watching him and continued to rub his stomach. Sam was grinning at him with that 'I know something you don't know' grin she saved for special occasions. Jack was giving him an 'and you say _I'm _dense' look, and Jacob and General Hammond were merely watching him patiently, as though waiting for him to be clued in on something they weren't going to bother telling him. Thor started to say something, but Janet held up her hand to stop him, smiling at Daniel like he was a puppy who'd just learned 'sit' but wasn't quite sure of his own accomplishment. Teal'c had both arms crossed and was…

_Wait a minute! _Daniel thought. If Teal'c had both arms crossed… he looked down at his own hands, both of them, and grinned at Teal'c. "It worked!" he exclaimed, realizing even as he said it that it was obviously unnecessary - he'd been a bit slow on the uptake this time.

_Well, _he rationalised. _The others weren't preoccupied with trying to swallow that horrible sap and not throw up everything they'd eaten in the past two weeks. _

He continued looking at his hands and barely noticed the continued movement and conversation of the people around him, until Janet gave him a cup of water and told him to stay put - apparently she wanted to do another full check-up after everything was over.

He finally decided his hand wasn't quite as interesting as watching Jack and Sam try to swallow theirs, and turned his attention back to the group.

"Doc, forcryinoutloud, I don't need the syringe! I can swallow it on my own!" Jack was insisting.

"I'm sure you can, Colonel," Janet said patiently. "But it would be much easier and safer for all concerned if…"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, think about it, sir," Janet said reasonably. "If what happened to Daniel happens to you, I don't think Sam's going to be very happy with you."

"You can say that again," Sam said dryly. Dropping the occasional bit of Jell-o on her shoulder was one thing - she really didn't want Jack being sick all over her.

"She does have a good point, Jack," Hammond said gently.

"Carter!" he barked. "You trust me not to puke on you, right?"

"Bet that's a question that doesn't get asked very often," Daniel commented.

"Can it, Spacemonkey. Carter?"

She sighed heavily and really, really hoped she wouldn't regret doing this. "Yes, sir."

"There. Thank you. The rest of you can just… stand back… if you're so concerned."

Janet handed them both their beakers, which were about four or five times as full as Daniel and Teal'c's had been, and retreated to a safe distance, or what Hammond and Jacob had judged to be safe, at any rate.

Jack looked down at the beaker in his hand. There was no way he could swallow all that at once. He sighed. "Sir? Seriously, please don't…" Sam started.

"I won't!" he insisted. Deciding a diversion would be good for both of them, he said, "I bet I even finish before you."

"Colonel…"

"Chicken? Come on. Loser buys dinner next time the team's out?"

"You're on."

"Excellent. Cheers, Carter."

They clinked their beakers together and both started drinking the horrible stuff. Daniel's description of its flavor was astonishingly accurate. Sam pinched her nose to get it down without as much difficulty. Jack couldn't hold his beaker and pinch his nose at the same time, so he took to stamping his feet and swearing loudly in between mouthfuls.

Sam won, but barely. They both handed their beakers to Janet and started begging for water.

"Not until after you're separated," she told them firmly. "We don't want to dilute the effects, do we? Then you'll just have to take more. Good job, both of you."

"Thanks, Doc," Jack said, glaring at her as though she were responsible for its flavor simply because she had handed him the beaker. She didn't take it personally.

After a few seconds, during which Janet and Daniel began interrogating Thor on anything else he had learned about the substance, Jack experimentally tried to wiggle the fingers that had been curled around his 2IC's waist for nearly a week. He was surprised when they actually moved. He wiggled them some more, and she squirmed underneath them, trying not to laugh.

"Sorry, forgot how ticklish you are," he said absently, too happy with the fact that he could now move his hand to be bothered with the fact that Hammond didn't look very thrilled at that off-hand remark, and Jacob looked significantly less thrilled than that.

He would have liked to say something to Carter before they separated for good. He wasn't sure exactly _what _he would have said - but it didn't really matter - he was saved having to come up with something better than _We should do this again sometime _or _Well, it's been fun _because they weren't alone anyway.

So, he settled for curling his hand back around her waist and giving her a quick, discreet squeeze before he successfully peeled his arm off of her. She stepped away and that was it - SG-1 was now only a tight-knit group in the figurative sense of the phrase. Jack looked at all four of them standing separately for the first time in days and felt like their separations had been a bit on the anticlimactic side. Oh well.

"I want to examine all of you right away before you can go," Janet reminded them.

Hammond began guiding Thor and Jacob out of the infirmary and added, "And after she clears you - all of you take the rest of the weekend, and Monday and Tuesday off. Not only are you all overdue for some downtime - I'd say you've all earned a little 'alone time' as well."

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

After being cleared by Fraiser, SG-1 was sent to their respective homes. Although Teal'c lived on base, of course, he walked them all to their cars in the parking lot. Everyone was unusually quiet, not really sure what to say. They were all eager to go home, get good and clean, and relax by themselves, but it seemed weird to just go their separate ways without saying anything.

Surprisingly, it was Teal'c who spoke first. "I am glad to have the use of both hands once again, Daniel Jackson. But I look forward to seeing you on Wednesday."

"Thanks, Teal'c. Me too."

"Team dinner, say, Monday night?" Jack offered quickly. "That'll give everyone time to veg, give Carter some time with her dad…"

"You do owe me dinner," she reminded him with a smile, suddenly optimistic at the prospect of a definite date to look forward to with all of them. Despite what Jack had just said, her father knew she needed a bit of time to herself and had said he'd be hanging out with Hammond, and that she could call him whenever she wanted to do something.

"That I do," he agreed. "Danny? Will Monday be enough time for you to apologize to all the rocks at your apartment for neglecting them all week?"

"Funny, Jack. And… yes."

"Good. T? Objections to Monday?"

"That sounds most pleasant, O'Neill."

"Good. Then that's settled then."

The quick camaraderie dissolved again and they all stood there awkwardly, in between Jack's truck and Sam's car.

"Well… I better go. I think I might have left a carton of milk out on my counter the day we left for the planet… it's probably exploded all over my kitchen by now," Daniel said, waving at Jack awkwardly.

Sam, beside him, hugged him impulsively. He hugged her back and said quietly, "Call me if you get too bored."

"You too," she said with a smile, knowing that Daniel was just as bad about 'doing nothing' as she was.

"Ohforcryinoutloud. You two are acting like you're being shipped off to prison, not given a three-day pass. Stop moping!"

"Yes, sir," Sam said, laughing at the mock-order.

Daniel sighed deeply and said, "Goodbye, Jack. A pleasure, as always."

Since he had just been hugging Sam, Daniel hugged Teal'c as well in a sudden, guy-hug-and-shoulder-pat that actually elicited an expression from Teal'c, who returned the gesture cautiously, but with obvious affection. Obvious if you knew Teal'c, of course.

Daniel headed off to his own car, which was a few spaces away, and Teal'c nodded to Jack and Sam, then headed back towards the mountain's entrance.

"Don't they make a cute couple," Jack commented to their friends' retreating forms.

Sam rolled her eyes but was looking down at her shoes. True, it was a bit of a surprise to see them clad in standard-issue boots after almost a week of flip-flops, but even so, they weren't nearly as fascinating as she was pretending they were.

"Well…" Jack started. "I guess you've got lots to do… old take away boxes to bin… new science journals to read… plants with which to converse…"

"How long are you going to keep bringing _that _up?" she asked, flushing with embarrassment. All three men of SG-1 had looked at her like they were taking her straight to Mackenzie as soon as they got back to Earth when she had reluctantly admitted to them that she talked to her plants. Over five years ago.

"How long? Hmm… probably until it stops getting a reaction from you. Or shortly thereafter."

"Right. What about you, sir?"

He shrugged. "I'm an expert at doing nothing, Carter, don't you know that by now?"

"I believe I did get that memo."

"Hey, be nice. Seriously though, have a good time with your dad."

"He's playing golf with Hammond tomorrow… but I'll probably have dinner with him or something. Thanks, sir."

He shifted on his feet and said, "Yeah. Well… see you later. I mean, I'll call you. About Monday. Probably _on _Monday… so, er… well, see you." He fumbled for his keys quickly and suddenly became so preoccupied with finding the proper one that he didn't notice her moving towards him in time to do anything other than take a half-step back in surprise when she hugged him too.

Remembering what he'd been thinking about just that morning while she slept, he returned the hug carefully, trying to remember how Daniel had done the whole 'brotherly hug' thing. He didn't think he got it quite right - there seemed to be much more of his body pressing into hers than would have been normal for a Daniel-Sam hug… or at least one Daniel would come out of without being subjected to a Jack O'Neill death-glare.

He let go of her when he felt her pulling away, and cleared his throat, feeling the need to say something about the past week… _anything, _it didn't even matter what… "Well… good thing there wasn't any alien super-glue stuff on us just now, huh," he said. Then he wanted to kick his own ass for such a dumb remark.

She seemed to have expected him to say something like that, judging by her 'be patient with the Colonel' smile. He wasn't sure if he should feel better or worse about that.

"Bye, Colonel," she finally said, unlocking her own car and sliding behind the wheel.

He put a hand on the top of her door to close it for her after she got situated, and leaned in slightly. He just couldn't leave it like that - with him looking like a doof. Smirking like a smug, smug bastard, he said, "Say hi to all your plants for me, Carter."

He shut the door while she was giving him a very funny combination of death-glare and really-cute-pout. Then he turned to get into his own truck and decided it was probably a good idea to not think of 'really-cute' and his 2IC in the same sentence. At least for a while.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

On the way back to the mountain, Teal'c heard a strange sound. It was a bit like a baby crying… but not exactly. And there seemed to be more than one source of noise. He had heard a similar noise… yes, when Major Carter brought her feline companion to the base to show the Tollan alien, Narim.

Teal'c followed the noise, discovering its source just off the road in the treeline. There was a small box full of cats. Very small cats. Infants, if Teal'c was guessing correctly. Looking around for a mother cat, or a person to whom they might belong, he saw no one. The crying of the cats was getting louder since they spotted him. He felt sorry for them, thinking they must be in need our nourishment. Someone inside would know what to do. He scooped up the box, peering down inside. Six baby cats of various color and similar size, all falling over each other as they tried to inspect him.

"I will take you to General Hammond," he told them, heading purposefully inside.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Hammond answered his ringing phone, causing Jacob Carter to pause in his story.

"Hammond… why didn't anyone stop him… no, I guess you've got a point there… all right, Sergeant. Thanks for the warning." He hung up the phone and shook his head chuckling.

"What?" Jacob asked.

"Teal'c's on his way in. With a box of kittens."

"Holy Hannah."

"You can say that again," Hammond agreed as Teal'c filled the doorway with his large frame, a slightly-battered box held in his arms.

"General Hammond, I have an urgent matter to discuss with you."

"Come on in, Teal'c. I was told you found something by the parking lot."

"I have indeed. They appear to be baby cats."

"Kittens, Teal'c. We call them kittens."

"Very well. As you can see," he said, setting the box down on Hammond's desk, right on top of a stack of personnel files. "There are six of them. They appear unharmed, but they were alone. No mother cat was present, and I did not see any humans either."

"They were probably abandoned, Teal'c," Hammond told him gently.

"They are defenceless," Teal'c stated. "Why would someone abandon defenceless creatures?"

"People do it all the time, Teal'c," Jacob said. "It's terrible, but it happens. These look old enough to be away from their mom though, so they should be okay if we find homes for them. Sam always had at least one cat growing up, and they were always about this size when she brought them home."

"Perhaps Major Carter would like these kittens then," Teal'c said.

"Er… I think six kittens is a bit much for any one person to handle, Teal'c," Hammond said. "I tell you what… I'll take one of them for Tessa and Kayla. Why don't you take them to your quarters, look up a bit of information about kittens on the internet, and then start asking around the base for homes for the rest of these little guys. I'll have Fraiser bring you some supplies, and let me know if you need anything else."

"Very well. If Major Carter would not like all of these kittens, perhaps she would like one."

"Good idea."

"Thank you, General Hammond."

"You're welcome, Teal'c."

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Unfortunately, all three men of SG-1 just knew her way too well. True to their teasing predictions, it didn't take long for Sam to get bored at her house. At first it was perfectly wonderful to have a completely unrestricted range of motion - she had even called up Cassie and they had gone for a quick swim at the nearby gym.

When she got back home, however, the newness of that had started to wear off. She filled the rest of her evening with chores, beginning with cleaning out her refrigerator, then spreading to the cabinets… from there it just made sense to give the entire kitchen a good scrubbing… and while she had the gloves on she might as well do the bathrooms…

Realizing her dad would probably be over at some point, maybe bringing General Hammond and possibly Tessa if she was still staying with him, she went ahead and finished, giving the rest of her house a good, thorough, long-overdue cleaning. Finally satisfied with the inside, she determined to tackle the outside tomorrow, and work on her yard. Maybe even clean out the rain gutters. Think about painting the trim… now though, she needed a shower.

She had promised herself a long, hot bath just before bed, so she just showered off quickly, getting rid of the grime from cleaning and spending an inordinate amount of time scrubbing her back, which had been encased in the same tee-shirt for several days. She tried very hard not to think about the 'help' she'd so recently had in the shower, and firmly put all those dangerous thoughts to a stop by deciding what to do about dinner.

As she dried herself off and stepped out of the shower, she decided it was definitely not worth going shopping at this time of night, then messing up a kitchen she had just spent so much time cleaning. She ordered herself a pizza, checked the fridge to make sure she had some diet soda, and dressed herself in sweatpants and a tee-shirt. She would have liked to go ahead and put on her pajamas, but didn't really want to answer the door for the pizza man like that.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Sam truly enjoyed her solitary evening. After the pizza arrived, she settled herself in her dimly lit living room with a plate of pizza, her drink, and the copy of _Middlemarch _she had been working her way through for the third time. Her simple dinner completed, she thought briefly about calling Daniel to make sure he was doing okay (figuring he was probably bored, and already debating returning to the base) but he was a big boy. He could make up his own mind. And the bathtub was practically calling her name.

It was her favorite thing about her house - the only thing she was really attached to about the house itself, if truth be told. She didn't spend much time here, and when she did it was usually because she or another member of the team was nursing an injury. Sam remembered Janet being shocked - the first time she brought Cassie over for a sleepover - that Sam lived in a 'homey house.' Janet, apparently, had assumed she maintained a 'shoebox of an apartment full of old textbooks and journals where she occasionally showered and rested for a few hours.' Sam had not bothered to mention to Janet that the house had been her dad's, but that he didn't exactly need it after he went off to live with the Tok'ra.

Regardless, she watered her plants (refusing, on principle, to pass along Jack's greeting to them), and then set about filling her tub with almost-scalding water and a fizzy bath bomb. She fetched her book from the kitchen and quickly sank into happy, relaxed oblivion.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Jack shovelled a heaping spoonful of Chinese take away into his mouth just as the phone rang. He picked it up with a not-too-greasy hand and said, "Ompheel."

"What? Jack? You there?"

Wiping a few grains of fried rice off the receiver, Jack swallowed and said, "Daniel, forcryingoutloud, I just saw you…"

"Yeah, I know. Teal'c called… he found some kittens. Want one?"

"Do I want a… is this a joke?"

"No," Daniel said patiently.

"What the hell would I do with a kitten?"

"Feed it, give it a litter box, a warm, dry place to sleep… a little pat on the head every now and then, annual trip to the vet…"

"Doesn't sound like so much work," Jack admitted reluctantly.

"Yeah. Look, there's six of them here. Sam's not answering her phone but we've kind of got one on reserve for her. Hammond's taking one for his granddaughters, but he doesn't care which one. Sergeant Harriman's coming to pick one out tonight. So the sooner you get here the sooner you'll get to pick one out…"

"Does it matter?"

"I don't know…"

"Are you taking one?"

"Yeah, probably. Or Teal'c'll rip my arms off," Daniel said casually.

"Have you and Teal'c already picked yours out?"

"Teal'c can't keep one. Hammond won't allow one in the base."

"But he found them… that's not fair."

"Well…"

Remembering his bet with Carter, Jack said, "Why don't you just ask Teal'c to move in with you - the security risk would be minimal, and then you could both keep one."

"Is _this _a joke?"

"No… why? You're hardly off-base anyway, what's the difference if Teal'c's meditating in the spare bedroom on those rare nights where you are?"

"Huh. Well… that's an interesting idea, Jack. I'll definitely think about it." Daniel sounded more surprised by the fact that the logical suggestion had come from Jack than the suggestion itself.

"Okay. I'll come up tomorrow and check out the inventory."

"Very funny. See you."

"Bye."

Jack hung up the phone and marvelled at how weird his life was.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

After a nice, long bath, Sam was relaxed. As relaxed as she could ever get. The relaxed that could only be followed by the inevitable boredom that set in soon afterwards. She climbed into bed optimistically, smoothing out her lovely, cool, squashy pillow that was so much better than the ones at the SGC, shut off her bedside lamp, settled in, and tried to sleep.

And couldn't. This wasn't unusual. This was actually normal. She always did this. Tossed and turned for hours… it had nothing to do with the fact that it was the first time she was trying to sleep without one wonderfully cuddly human-blanket-Colonel wrapped around her. Nope. Not one thing. She just… wasn't tired. She slept late that morning. Of course she wasn't tired. She got up and started to read again.

_Middlemarch _wasn't holding her attention like it usually did. She tossed the book aside, flopped onto her back, and glared at her ceiling. She had lots of stuff to get caught up on in her lab… but if her CO found out she hadn't made it through one night home alone he'd never let her hear the end of it. Her geekiness would be forever solidified in his mind… if it wasn't already, of course. She screwed her eyelids shut, although she didn't expect the angry approach to sleeping would be all that effective either.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

"Teal'c, do you want to come and live with me?" Daniel offered casually as they played with the remaining five kittens. Sergeant Harriman had chosen the darker of the two orange and white ones already.

"Of what do you speak, Daniel Jackson?"

"You know… you could move into my apartment. We could be roommates. Like that show you watch."

"_Friends?"_

"Yeah. That way you could have your own cat, and a little more space… I mean it wouldn't be a lot more, my apartment's not huge or anything. But you could get off the base a little more and Jack thinks Hammond would be okay with the security issues if you're with me…"

"Are you certain you would not tire of my presence, Daniel Jackson?"

"Of course not. I mean, we got through being glued together for almost a week just fine, didn't we?"

"We did, indeed."

Teal'c plucked the largest kitten, a grey striped one that had taken more of a liking to Teal'c than the others, and seemed to think he was something to be constantly climbed upon, off of his tee-shirt. He pet its head and studied it carefully. "I would like for this animal to become my pet, Daniel Jackson. Your offer is most generous. I will accept, on the condition that you promise to inform me honestly should you wish to live alone again."

"Great. It'll be fun. We can go talk to Hammond in the morning - it's pretty late. I think I'll take this little guy - he seems to get along best with the one you've got there. What should we name them?" He picked up the black and white kitten, which looked oddly formal next to the other ones, as though he were wearing a tuxedo.

"I believe they are both male, are they not?" Teal'c asked.

"Yeah… I'm pretty sure."

"Then I have a suggestion. If they are to live together, we could name them Bert and Ernie."

Daniel regarded Teal'c steadily for a moment, trying to determine if he was joking or not. It was hard to tell. He wasn't. "Umm. Well, okay. This one will be Ernie, okay?"

"And this one shall be Bert."

"Jack's going to love this," Daniel muttered.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

"Freaking cat," Jack mumbled as he got into bed.

He wasn't really sure why he'd agreed so readily to taking in one of Teal'c's strays… but he was pretty sure it had to do with the fact that once he'd been home for a few hours, and the initial pleasure of being able to use both hands and go to the bathroom without an audience passed… he was kind of lonely. He'd never admit it to anybody, of course. But he was. And Daniel had called at the exact wrong time… the idea of sharing his house with something as self-sufficient as a cat didn't seem all that bad. It sounded kinda… nice.

Then Jack had remembered he loved _dogs _for a reason. He hadn't really been around cats very much but they didn't seem all that great. Dogs were always so happy to see you, and they did all kinds of neat things, by themselves and if you taught them… he really didn't actually know much about the mechanics of actually owning a cat. And he couldn't really seem to see himself as _Jack O'Neill: cat owner. _

Maybe he could convince Carter to keep two of them. Or he could give one to Cassie… no, she already had the dog, they usually didn't get along well…

Plus, weren't kittens like… really small and fragile? And didn't they get into everything? Jack got up and went into his seldom-used office, and flipped on his even more seldom-used computer. He needed to know what he was getting into. Know thine enemy, and all that.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Sam let herself into her lab with a swipe of her card, the sound of the heavy metal door sounding even louder than usual in the quiet, dark corridor. It was barely five in the morning, but she'd tossed and turned all night long and finally decided to give it up and come on in. She'd work for a little while, then go back home around noon… and her CO never needed to find out about it.

She quickly lost herself in the backlog of reports from various pieces of technology at Area 51, and by the time she got her first visitor of the day, shortly after dawn, she was so engrossed in reading (and correcting) the schematics in front of her that she nearly fell off her stool when a voice rumbled, "Fancy meeting you here."

Looking up from her report guiltily, she said, "Sir, what are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing, couldn't I Major Carter?" he drawled.

"I couldn't sleep," she said distractedly. "What about you?"

"I… couldn't sleep either," he admitted, taking himself over to her computer desk and sinking into the chair.

He didn't seem willing to start volunteering information, so she went back to work for a few moments, then set her pencil down and looked at him carefully. He didn't look like he slept much, although he had showered and shaved, and was back in his BDUs, so he still looked better than he had done when she'd last seen him. "Everything okay, sir?"

"What? Yeah."

She gave a nod and went back to work quietly. It wasn't unusual for him to come sit in her lab for a while as she worked, although she had guessed that after the past week he'd had more than enough of her lab for quite some time. Apparently not. So, she did what she always did when he dropped into the lab - went on about her business and kept an eye on him in case he got his hands on something particularly valuable or dangerous.

He was watching her. She pretended not to be aware of it for as long as she possibly could, but she was certain her cheeks were starting to redden under his gaze, so she finally set her pencil down again and met his eyes. "Sir? What are you doing here?"

He shrugged and looked down at his hands. "You weren't answering your phone. I thought you maybe came here."

"My phone?"

"Daniel said he and Teal'c were calling you and you didn't answer… and I tried to call you too… I thought maybe you came here. If you weren't I was going to see if you were okay… I guess you just wanted a quiet night to yourself, huh?"

"I must have been in the bath… I turned the ringer off."

"Oh." He looked around the room and said, "You switched the table."

"Yeah… I couldn't really work alone at that lower one. Why was Daniel calling me last night?"

"Oh, you didn't hear! Teal'c found a bunch of kittens yesterday, and you get one!"

"What?"

"Teal'c found six kittens. One's being reserved for you."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah. He's finding homes for all of them. The faster you go claim one, the wider selection you'll have."

"Wow."

"Yeah. I'm going to name mine 'Lucy' so I can walk in the door and go, 'Lucy, I'm hoooome!'"

She laughed and said, "Good plan, sir… assuming there's a female kitten left."

"Teal'c and Daniel already claimed the only males."

"Oh. Okay, then, that makes it easy."

"What are you going to name yours? Don't pick some dorky scientific reference only egg-heads will get. Pick something cool," he said sternly.

She smiled and asked mildly, "I can't even name my own cat in peace, sir?"

Sounding thoroughly put-upon, he waved a hand and said, "Fine, go ahead."

Determined not to pick something he could classify as egg-headish, she said the first thing that popped into her head. "Hannah."

"There. That's a lot better than Shroedinger," he agreed, nodding his approval.

She refused to take the bait and simply said, "I'll stop by Teal'c's after breakfast to look at them. It's probably still a little early…"

"Yeah, I'll say. What time did you get here?"

She shrugged. "Around five or so."

"Carter."

"Sorry. I relaxed, I really did. I just… relax fast, I guess. And you're here too, sir," she reminded him.

"Good point," he mumbled, turning his attention to her computer. He started playing with the mouse so she went back to her own work.

After five minutes of silence, he said, "I missed you."

Her head snapped back up in surprise. He looked surprised too - the quiet admission had sounded strangely loud in the small room.

She cleared her throat and looked back down at the schematics spread before her, and hesitantly admitted, "Me too."

He got up and came over to the lab table, standing on the opposite side. Leaning over with his elbows on the table, he asked, "Yeah?" in such a tone that she didn't need to look up to see he was smiling while he said it.

"I mean… I'm glad we're not stuck together anymore…" she started.

"Oh, yeah me too. I mean… not that it was all bad or anything… some of it was fun… and some of it was, you know, good… but some was just…"

"Embarrassing?" she supplied.

"Yeah," he agreed. "But you still… I mean… you still…"

"Yeah. Sir, we shouldn't be talking about this," she pointed out unnecessarily.

"I know. We suck at it anyway. At least I do." He picked up her compass and started playing with it, drawing a few circles on a spare bit of paper, then examining it to see if it was sharp enough to use as a dart. He suddenly remembered a poem about a compass and asked, "Hey, Carter, do you know any John Donne?"

"A little… why?"

"I just thought of a poem about a compass…"

"Wouldn't have figured you for a fan of metaphysical poetry, sir."

"I'm not," he insisted, placing the compass down as though it were contaminated. "I was just looking through a book in Daniel's lab… I think it was when we had the armbands and I could read really fast. I read almost everything in there, just to piss him off. Didn't retain any of it, of course…" He trailed off into silence again, and Sam made a little note in the margin of the paper in front of her to ask Daniel to find the poem for her later.

She made a few notes about efficiency improvements on the design in front of her, and glanced up at him again. He was scribbling something on the paper he had been drawing circles on earlier. He looked tired, and he looked like he'd been thinking hard about something for a while. He also clearly had more to say, although he didn't want to say it, which most likely meant he wasn't _supposed _to say it… in which case she wasn't supposed to want to hear it either.

She still did.

"I missed you when we were stuck together too."

_Okay, I wasn't expecting that, _she thought, looking up at him in surprise, fully aware that she probably looked a lot like a startled deer at the moment.

"Colonel…"

"I know. I just… when we were stuck everything was different… you know, our whole dynamic… all of SG-1... It was thrown off. I missed that."

"Oh. Right."

That was okay. Not an inappropriate thing to say.

"And… I missed being able to see your face."

Okay, that one kind of was.

_He knew it too, _she thought with a scowl. _Damn well knew he shouldn't be saying things like that, even if we both think about them. And he just big fat did it anyway. _

She understood what he was trying to say though - she'd been trying very hard and very unsuccessfully not to wrestle with similar thoughts all night.

She had once thought having to admit to having feelings for each other under the circumstances the zay'tarc detector created was just about the most terribly unjust thing ever. Not only to have to openly admit to having those feelings, but hearing them reciprocated… even though they had both pretty much known it was there anyway, saying it out loud and then having to bury it had just been terribly cruel.

This was almost worse. Maybe if it had happened _before _the zay'tarc incident… but it was after. _Years _after. So their latest situation had not only done to the physical attraction between them what the zay'tarc detector had done for the emotional one… but it also reinforced all the emotional stuff from the zay'tarc detector, which over the years had been in question by both of them at various times. Largely unacknowledged meant sometimes easy to ignore…

But in the time they'd been stuck together, she had been surprised by many things. Some of them were quite nice and could be discussed easily with Janet and even Cassie: she liked his arm around her, liked waking up with him spooned behind her, she'd never been a lap person before but didn't mind it so much with him… that kind of thing.

But being that close to him… he had surprised her by bringing up the very intimate contact of his groin and her backside, that first morning. She had, of course, known rationally that he was a normal man (at least biologically speaking), and men often woke up aroused. That wasn't news to her, and she would have easily been able to rationalize it away. Showering together and sitting on his lap, as well… it was bound to pique his interest every now and then, so to speak.

But she had been completely surprised at just how often, and in what circumstances, she felt that interest piqued. She could be rambling on and on about the latest readings on the substance; arguing with him, Janet, or Daniel; goofing off with him while they ate dinner… the list went on and on until she stopped noticing when he _was _aroused and started noticing when he _wasn't _instead. She had been completely surprised, embarrassed, and flattered at first, but then she'd just felt sorry for him. It had to be incredibly painful.

She knew he would be mortified if she brought it up. '_Mentioned it,' _she mentally corrected. _Much safer word choice._ It had to have been so embarrassing to start that conversation with her in the first place, that first morning. She always thought that when it came to their 'relationship,' she was infinitely more obvious about her feelings than he had ever been. Now that was effectively shot to hell, and the least she could do was not to mention any of it aloud…

"Okay, Carter, I meant what I said and all, but… you're scaring me. You've been staring off into space for about five minutes…"

Since she couldn't exactly explain to him the nature of her own libidinous thoughts, she apologized quickly and covered lamely. "Sorry, sir… you surprised me and…"

"I know we've got some kind of silent agreement not to talk about any of this. It was just… weird. Having nothing between us… literally… for so long, then just going home and acting like nothing…"

"Happened," she finished. "I know. I couldn't do it either."

"So what now?"

"That's my line."

"What?"

"Nothing. Never mind. I don't know, I mean, nothing's really changed… with regards to our… positions here."

"I know, but…" Just in case she couldn't detect the agitation in his voice or his growing frustration, he was doing a little impatient bounce, and looked three seconds away from some serious pacing. "Dammit this isn't fair."

"It never has been," she said, trying to sound distant.

"It's not that I don't respect the rules and the reasons they exist… maybe I don't respect them as much as you do but I still do, I swear…"

"I know you do."

"But it's still just… I mean…" The pacing began. Three times in front of her, then he started for a lap around the table. She stepped in front of him to stop him - he was in danger of knocking something over when he was that jumpy. He stopped six inches in front of her and said, "Look… here's the deal. Yeah, I'm glad I'm not stuck to you anymore. But I've been stuck _on _you for a long time, and…"

Sam suddenly decided that their no-talking-about-it policy maybe had a few benefits that so far remained unexplored, and interrupted him by putting a hand firmly on each shoulder to keep him still for two seconds, and kissing him. Firm, and full on the mouth, but just a little bit beyond platonic.

She pulled back with her hands still on his shoulders, looking at him nervously, knowing that while he had been talking about the line they'd been dancing on for a long time, she had just effectively taken a flying leap over that line and redrawn it far, far away.

"Wh…what did you just…"

"I don't know!" she said, sounding just a little bit hysterical. "But I missed you too, dammit, and I missed you while we were stuck together too, because all I could see of you was your arm! And I could barely touch you back, and…"

He returned the favor, stopping her rambling by kissing her back exactly as she'd just done, although he did linger long enough for his hand to make it to the back of her head.

"Wh… what exactly are we…" she started.

"I don't know. Let's go with the whole no-talking thing for now, okay? Work all that crap out later?"

She considered giving him a sarcastic, 'How romantic' for his less-than poetic delivery, but decided against it almost instantly. There were more interesting things she could be doing with her mouth right now… like finding all the different ways it would fit against his. They stepped closer to each other, until they were as close as they'd been all week long, although this time they were facing each other. She smiled as she was able to wrap her arms around him as well. "Definite improvement."

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

General Hammond and Jacob knocked on Teal'c's door, and were surprised when Daniel answered. "I thought you went home, Dr. Jackson."

"Yes, sir, but I came back to pick out my new cat… I assume that's why you're here?"

"Yeah. Jacob and I have a nine o'clock tee-time. I thought we'd run the little guy home, give him to Tessa and Kayla, then go on to the golf course."

"Sounds good. Come on in."

The room was crowded with the four large men, and they all looked adorably out of place crouching around the box of kittens. The blanket from Teal'c's bed was now in the box with them.

"Five left… you've already found a home for one of them?" Jacob asked.

"Actually, we've found… homes… for all of them. Those two are… going to live with me." He picked up both male cats and met Teal'c's eyes, shaking his head slightly to tell him they should bring up Teal'c moving off-base later. After all, the General had a tee-time. Daniel knew the man would say yes as long as he listened patiently to a logical argument. Now just wasn't the time.

"Sergeant Harriman took one of the females last night," Teal'c informed them. "O'Neill and Major Carter will choose their kittens later."

"Sam doesn't surprise me… but Jack wants one?" Jacob asked.

"He does indeed. I predict he will choose the pale orange one with the white stripes. The solid black one seems more suited to Major Carter."

"Teal'c's already got personality profiles for all of them," Daniel supplied, carefully pulling Ernie off the top of his head. The cat loved his hair for some reason, although he seemed to feel that he could do a much better job of combing it himself than Daniel was doing.

"Well… in that case, I'll take this little one," Hammond said, picking up the one Teal'c had not mentioned. She was clearly the runt of the litter, and was solid white except for a tan tail, ears, and two of her paws. "She seems very sweet, I think she'll be great for the girls."

"As you wish, General Hammond. I am sure your granddaughters will give her a wonderful home."

"Thank you, Teal'c. I promise you, they will. Still, I think maybe we should go let Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill pick theirs out first… just in case they um, don't agree with your profiles."

"Jack and Sam aren't here," Daniel stated.

"Yes, they are. Major Carter checked in at 05.00, and Colonel O'Neill at 06.12."

"Those hypocrites," Daniel said under his breath as they all headed towards Sam's lab. If she was on base, that was probably where she was.

They made a strange travelling party - two Air Force Generals, an archaeologist, and a Jaffa, each carefully carrying a kitten. The 'extra' kitten was tucked into Teal'c's lapel pocket, its front paws and head poking out as it enjoyed the strange point-of-view.

Luckily, they only passed a few startled Airmen, who knew at this point not to question such strange sights, especially when they involved SG-1.

They formed a clump in the open doorway to Sam's lab. Because the first two men froze at the sight they found, and the second two kept moving until they saw what had stopped the first two. Then all four men stared in complete and utter shock at the sight in front of them. Just after dawn on a Sunday morning when they were both not even supposed to be on the base… Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill were in what had to be one of the most compromising positions imaginable for less-than-mature audiences.

They hadn't even noticed that their best friends, their CO, and Sam's father were standing there holding five cats. But that was understandable. Neither had their eyes open, and if they had they probably wouldn't have been able to see anything other than each other.

Half the clutter on Sam's work bench had been hastily pushed to one side. Sam was perched on the edge of it with her back to them. The angle hid a lot, but not enough. It also drew a lot of attention to the hand firmly attached to her ass, and the one that seemed to be blindly exploring under her tee-shirt. One thing that couldn't be hidden at all were all the normal wet and breathy sounds that went along with the sort of serious kissing they were doing, and the occasional moans coming from both of them sounded embarrassingly loud in the dead silence of the room.

Later, Daniel would wonder just how long they all stood there gaping incredulously at them before someone moved.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Sam and Jack were lost. Completely. Neither had really meant for things to go so far, so fast… but after a week of being constantly dangled in front of each other's noses… constantly touching but not _really _touching… they got a little carried away. While Sam knew she would be able to recall with perfect detail every moment of that first mutual kiss, once Jack had plopped her down on her table and they'd practically fused themselves together again, everything became a blur. Not really even a blur, because that implied high speed… and time had basically stopped mattering… so had pretty much everything else that wasn't Jack.

Jack was trying to remember as many things as possible as well, just in case this turned out to be a one-time thing, although he was not going to let that happen without a fight. One thing that had surprised him were the sounds coming out of Sam… little moans and maybe even a whimper here and there. They were _hot. _Not that he hadn't always thought kissing her would be incredible, but sounds hadn't really occurred to him… maybe since they'd spent so long keeping everything quiet he'd forgot to imagine that part… but he never would have imagined _that _sound. It sounded like…

"Was that a cat?" Sam asked distractedly against the side of his head.

He said something very brilliant into her collarbone, along the lines of, "Frrrmrrrrrrphhhhhmmmmmmm" and forgot that he'd heard something too. Then he heard it again and he reluctantly quit the impromptu vampire impersonation he'd taken to when he'd found that pulse point.

Blinking dazedly at her and wondering if it was possible that she'd completely fried every circuit he'd had left in his brain, he did what he always did: look to Carter for the answer. This time, she seemed just as confused (and distracted, he'd proudly take credit for that) as he was.

The noise repeated itself and they both recognized it at the same time. _Cat. Kittens. Teal'c and Daniel._

Then a collective, _Oh, crap!_

They finally turned to the doorway and Sam actually slid right off the table when she saw that Hammond and her dad were there too. Of _course_ they were Because that was just their luck. Jack caught her awkwardly when she fell ungracefully off the edge of the table, saw that she was on her feet, then pulled his hands off of her quickly, not sure what he should do or say.

Teal'c and Daniel looked surprised but happy, but Jack held no such delusions about Hammond and Jacob… especially Jacob. He suddenly noticed that the two irate, bald men were holding adorable kittens and had the insane urge to laugh. But that probably wouldn't be considered acceptable under the circumstances. Then again, if he wanted to try to plead insanity...

General Hammond spoke first, and Jack saw something in his eyes just before he spoke that told him somehow this was all going to be okay. "I suppose you've got some wonderful story for me, Colonel? Major?"

"S-sir?" Sam managed to stammer, trying very hard to keep her eyes from drifting to her father, who had his 'I'm very disappointed in you young lady, you're grounded and I'm killing that boy' look on his face - a look she hadn't seen since she was about fifteen.

"Well, come on. Year after year, you get yourselves in ridiculous positions, the whole lot of you… you've always got something to tell me. Let me guess, you were exposed to that alien virus that turned everyone into cavemen again? Some sort of Goa'uld trick? Are one or both of you robots, or perhaps clones? Or something original this time… was Major Carter stung in the mouth by a poisonous insect and you were nobly attempting to extract the deadly venom?"

"No… no, sir, none of those are true," Jack said. He shifted on his feet and encountered Sam, on his right. And he didn't jump away as if scalded, although that was the first thought that occurred to him when he glanced at Jacob - something he was trying not to do. He felt better, feeling her standing there. And he knew Daniel and Teal'c would help them too…

"Well, come on," Hammond pressed again. "Here, I'll help you. I've heard it a lot, so this is how it usually starts… 'General Hammond, this isn't what it looks like…'"

Sam slipped her hand into his and squeezed lightly. He looked at her in surprise and smiled at the look on her face - not unlike the 'well, if we must we must, let's do it with style' look that she got before they charged in to take on a big mess of Jaffa.

"Well, sir…" he started as Sam picked up the little thing that shut her door from the inside (Jack always thought it looked like a garage door opener.) She pointed it at the door, and the men in the doorway stepped backwards instinctively.

"Actually," Jack continued as Sam pressed the button and the door started sliding closed. He turned back to Sam, who looked a little scared but in a good way, and barely had time to grab her and dip her back again so he could see that same look on Hammond's face from the time loops before the doors slid shut. Just as it shut, he called loudly, "This is _precisely _what it looks like, sir."

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

The end.

A/N: I know, it's a bit open-ended. But it's shippy, and I really wanted to end this series on that line, even though it's completely cliched. If you must, just insert your favorite 'way round the rules' scenario floating around out there and go with that... Now, I'm done with SG-1 fanfic for the time being (maybe forever if they keep insisting on following the X-Files legacy _so _literally, but I digress.) Anyway, it's been a lot of fun. I've loved hearing what you all think about these stories - I'm gonna go have some babies now, hopefully _really _soon, I'm ready for these little darlings to come _out!_


End file.
